I couldn't quite understand what lesson I was supposed to learn from each experience I had. What was I supposed to learn from a cheating partner? What was I supposed to learn from the pig heads I went on dates with? what was I supposed to learn from backstabbing friends? How about the time that I went on and off with a guy for 3 years of my life, where was the lesson in that? In my eyes, I saw no lesson, but just a bitterness growing within my heart.
*When my ex partner cheated on me, I learned that I had the strength to surpass that.
*When I went out with the pig heads, I learned what I was looking for in a guy.
*When my 3 year ex bf came back and forth, I learned to grow with and without him.
Of course there were other lessons I learned on the way, but I didn't quite understand them as I do now. It seems that the older I'm getting the wiser I am getting (and for once my brain is actually working without the stubbornness interfering).
A while back, I had gone out with a man that suited me well. I had trusted him with myself after a while, thinking that our compatibility and the strange connection I felt with him would give us the healthy relationship I wanted.
But not even that could sustain it and I ended up with a broken heart.
I couldn't quite understand what lesson I was to learn from all this and as I continued hurting, I made the mistake of a drunken make out session with him. We eventually talked things out, but in the midst of it all he suggested Friends with Benefits.
That nailed it. In any other time of my life, I would have probably said yes, but by now knowing what it was like to be a FWB and getting crushed in the process was not something I was willing to try again. So I refused the idea and when I did, something within me changed and a realization came into light.