Thursday, June 19, 2014

More Signs You *May* Be Turning French

*Much thanks to Invader Stu from Invading Holland for inspiring me to make my own lists.

-You no longer flinch at hearing the siren that sounds at noon every first Wednesday of the month.

-You've stopped asking the French why it even sounds in the first place because the answer will always be "I don't know."

-You've started to eat pizza and burgers with a knife and fork.

-Nut allergies be damned, the Nutella Overlord is now a permanent presence in your house. Even if you don't eat it or know for an incontestable fact that Speculoos easily blows it out of the water, you will always keep the kitchen cupboards stocked with a Nutella jar (just in case).

-You no longer giggle like a sophomoric adolescent over the fact that the Nesquik Bunny's name is "Quicky."

-You've stopped crying into your pillow at night and have come to terms that the toxic, sugar and chemical-laced and nuclear neon-colored foods that you used to enjoy from back home are now quite revolting to your palate.

-In fact, the foods from back home downright scare you. (I'm looking at YOU, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, you toxic, sodium-laced, neon-orange "cheese" sauce monstrosity.)

"Homestyle," mon oeil. 

-You can't fathom leaving the house without a scarf because you are convinced that it's against the law to not wear one, punishable by a 1.000 Euro fine and/or face calling jail your temporary address for one month.

-The same goes for wearing workout shoes, such as trainers/sneakers, with clothes other than those specifically intended for exercising. (That's punishable by up to two years in prison.)

-You start to forget that other people speak languages besides French.

-When these people address you in your native tongue, you wonder if you are somehow caught in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

-If you live in the provinces: You think Paris is an overrated Disneyland and is not "the real France." You could never imagine yourself living there (but secretly would like to do so, just to see what it is all about).

-If you live in Paris: You think the provinces are quaint for a visit. ONLY a visit. Possibly to see Mamie and Papy. You could never fathom residing anywhere outside of la région parisienne and survive. No, not even in medium-sized cities like Dijon or Nantes.

-You can name at least one French reality T.V. "star."

-And despite never having seen a single episode of their show, you know for what they are infamous/what their catch phrases are.

-You have a favorite French YouTuber.

-The fact that the SNCF is on strike is not shocking news to you. Rather, it's just an inevitable fact of life, much like birth, bowel movements, and death.

For other signs to see if you are turning French, click the link to discover the first list.
Signs You *May* Be Turning French 

Our blog turned four years old on June 8th. Oops.

-Barb the French Bean


  1. I don't care what country you're from you shouldn't be eating burgers with knives and forks. Unless they're outside of a bun. I occasionally eat burgers on their own. Less fat and carbs that way, and still delicious beef.

    1. A very popular dish here is "steack frites," which is essentially a bun-less hamburger patty eaten with chips/French fries.

      And no lie, I have on occasion seen my French colleagues eat burgers with a knife and fork. However, this tendency doesn't seem as prevalent among the younger generations.

  2. Very enjoyable. I spotted some signs that indicate I may one day be French. I like the part about Paris and the provinces. Reminds me of New York.


    1. Just keep practicing and you'll become French in no-time! :D

    2. I need to improve my accent. I've been told more than once not to speak French because my accent is so bad. I can't help it. French comes out of my mouth with a Spanish accent because I learned Spanish first.

    3. I had to learn the French "u" and uvular trill "r" from scratch. It took me *years* to master those sounds. --.--

      Just be persistent and eventually the hard work will show (or sound).

  3. Do you also eat your candy bars and donuts with a knife and fork? (Seinfeld reference)

    Oh, and are men required to wear scarves? Because I don't think I could ever bring myself to wear a man-scarf, no matter how much the salesman told me it would totally accentuate my elegant neck.

    1. Man-scarf (known merely as a "scarf" over here) or jail. Your call, pal.

      As for using cutlery to eat candy bars and donuts: no, I do not, simply due to the fact that I have not had a donut or candy bar in AGES. But if I had to eat some, I probably would use a knife and fork. :P

  4. The siren is from the fire brigade. They test it every first Wednesday of the month at noon, that way, everybody knows it's just a test and not a fire.
    Have you really never met anyone who knows that?

    1. Don't despair, the people within my group of friends are certainly aware of why it sounds. It's just that I've been unfortunate enough to ask not-so-well-informed individuals about it as well.

      Come to think of it, I probably threw them off with my question because of the way I may have phrased it; they probably thought I was asking WHY this is even done in the first place. :P

  5. I didn't know France had the emergency alarm test as well. Maybe theirs is to warn about the Dutch and ours are to warn about the French.

    1. Seems like a plausible theory, although perhaps you guys should update the emergency alarm with the deafening sound of cheers coming lately from the Netherlands with the FIFA World Cup.

  6. The only time we hear about France in the UK is when there's a strike. Oh, and this, from today:
    We are happier, apparently - which I think means French people must be really really miserable?

    1. I somehow have a very hard time swallowing the report's statistics and findings. However, since the British are reportedly worse in maths, I do have to question if the facts were even counted correctly...

      (I don't get the impression that the French are miserable. Yes, they may complain on end about certain things, but the general quality of life is great here. If they ARE miserable here, it must be due to the crazy paperwork bureaucracy.)

  7. What? You mean all that cheering isn't coming from the emergency alarms?


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb