Monday, June 20, 2011

Coffee and French Bean's Car Search Quest

Readers of Two Beans or Not Two Beans are probably unaware that almost two weeks ago, our blog came very, very close to becoming one Bean short.

Coffee Bean was involved in a car accident. Although she came out rather unscathed, the same cannot be said for her car...which is why she is now on an impossible quest to find an automatic car for under $4,000.

Following a brief weekend in humidity-and-mosquito ridden Miami, she and French Bean drove back to Orlando. The two Beans could have fun hanging out with each other while French Bean temporarily escaped from the grand highlight of McDonald's cheeseburger specials while she met and discovered new people. It was a win-win situation!

Amidst all the partying and beer-drinking, Coffee Bean also had to face the reality that her rental car wasn't going to be hers forever and that she needed a reliable mode of transportation. After doing some internet research and jotting down locations, the Two Beans went off to find THE dream car.

(The names of various car dealerships have been altered to protect their identities.)

Car Dealership #1: Lemons Fo' U

The Two Beans came across this world-class vendor by chance. While on the quest for a different dealership, they spotted Lemons Fo' U located adjacent to the other place. The wooden, hand-written sign announcing the property could not be missed, nor could the metal, barbed-wire fence protecting the vehicular commodities. The owner of Lemons Fo' U made his appearance when he exited his work station of a minuscule hut and approached his clients by walking on a graveled pavement.

The proprietor of said establishment was a well-dressed urbane gentleman sporting a white, sweat-stained wife beater and had a respectable mane of long, flowing dreadlocks. As a sign of his financial success, he had teeth which glistened a golden sheen in the 100 degree F sunlight.

Yes, indeed. Coffee Bean had certainly declared the sum to be $4,000.

The proprietor thought for a moment until he pointed to one of his many exemplary vehicular beauties. After a few seconds of glancing around the place, the Two Beans realized something: the cars which were available were indeed far too nice to be sold for fewer than $4,000. A nearly brand-new red Chevy Malibu?

A revelation came upon them. These cars were probably stolen.

Ergo, the Two Beans did what any sensible car-buying client would have done: they assured their salesman with a diplomatic "we'll come back."

(That translates to "fat chance you'll ever see us again, bub." )

Car Dealership #2: Cheap Korean Kars!

The next location on Coffee Bean's list required the use of Tomtom, the GPS navigator. Once the address was entered into the device, Coffee Bean followed the instructions in a figuratively-blindfolded sense. If Tomtom said to turn left, the car went left. If Tomtom told the car to go straight, it went straight. If Tomtom said to drive to the closest Cartier shop and rob the store at gunpoint...the Two Beans would have probably obeyed him.

Instead, Tomtom let the girls know they had achieved their goal.

Funny thing is that they hadn't. There was absolutely no sign of Cheap Korean Kars! Yes, there was a complex of townhouses on one side of the street and there was a Nissan and even Honda dealership on the other side, but no Cheap Korean Kars!

But Tomtom steadfastly insisted that they had reached their destination. Could Cheap Korean Kars! have been an invisible dealership? Who knows...

Car Dealership #3: Worldly Cars

The Two Beans decided to give Tomtom a second chance by navigating them in the direction of Downtown Orlando. With a promising title like Worldly Cars, the Beans thought that they were going to encounter a car dealership paradise which sold even the odd flying unicorn.

Instead, Tomtom guided them to the wrong part of town.

The really, really wrong part of town.

The one complete with menacing individuals congregating under a bridge.

It became quite obvious to the Two Beans that their quest to find a nice car for under $4,000 was leading to them to a life or death situation.

They called it quits for the day and headed home.

No wonder they couldn't find the damn place.

French Bean and Coffee Bean


  1. First things first, thank goodness you are okay, Coffee Bean. :)

    As for the used cars--THAT is why I will never ever entrust a GPS system for direction. Just give me a good old map off of one of the many mapping sites on the web. That way you don't miss any important signs on the road. Or end up completely lost. Technology is WAY overrated. People's brains are melting at ridiculous rates because of their dependence on it...

    And in relation to finding a $4000 car--it doesn't hurt to go to one of the name brand dealerships. They usually have used cars of various types, too, just in smaller numbers. And are usually slightly more reliable (though the used dealerships I've encountered have been pretty good), to the extent that dealerships can be good. :)

  2. LMAO!! That made my night :D We sure do have some crazy adventures.

    RandomRambler: I'm always told not to depend on any GPS and I do think part of my brain melts when i use it lol.

    Oh we did try...and tried...and tried, but I ended up with a car, which I will probably talk about in later posts.

    Coffee Bean

  3. I glad you eascaped the car crash relatively unscathed.

    Good luck with the search for a car, try a local paper or similar.

  4. I saw your post on the blogger forum, but it wouldnt let me post. check out my blog?

  5. See, exhibit A as to tech melting brains. XD Looking forward to your future posts about your new car. :)

  6. HAHA ... I love this post. Me and Tom Tom have the same relationship.

  7. I agree with Janice, I so love this post too, it took you a while to make all those drawings, right?? I congratulate you for that, it is very funny and good as usual


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