Sunday, June 23, 2013

Growing Up Sucks Balls

When I was younger, I used to have this huge desire to grow up. To do everything everyone older than me did--going to concerts, driving, traveling, staying up past 11 p.m. and all the other things I couldn't do as a child. I would sometimes throw temper tantrums screaming "I CAN'T WAIT TO GROW UP!"

Oh how wrong was I...

                                                 photo credit: Ahoova via photopin cc
                                                 (Nope...not me. I'm a woman)

It was foolish of me to think that my life would be easy and to overlook the very things that stress me out.
Bills, bills, and more bills. As a child, I did not comprehend the way of life, to me it was just a world of playgrounds, cartoons, swings and food. Nothing else existed to me and on occasions I would throw hissy fits when I didn't get what I wanted. Of course, as I started to grow up, so did my responsibilities.

Below you will find the growth of my responsibilities:

Age: 1
Responsibilities: Pooped, ate and slept.
Job: Cried

Age: 6
Responsibilities: Pooped, ate, slept, smiled and looked pretty.
Job: Eating McDonald's Fries.

Age: 10
Responsibilities: Pooped, ate, slept, annoyed brother, occasionally smiled and rarely looked pretty.
Job: Watched cartoons

Age: 13
Responsibilities: Annoyed brother, never smiled, hid from bullies, chores and observed (Yes...I still pooped, ate and slept).
Job: Referee for fights in my house

Age: 16
Responsibilities: Chores, homework, walking the dog, screaming, applying to colleges, pooped, ate, and slept.
Job: Breaking out of my house every so often.

Age: 20
Responsibilities: Gym, homework, driving, boyfriend, working, paying cell phone, rarely slept, looked pretty, and ate.
Job: Worked in Retail.

Age: 22
Responsibilities: Gym, homework, driving, working, paying several bills, rarely slept, dated, looked like a disaster and ate.
Job: I had temp. jobs (at least...I made them temp.)

Age: 25 (NOW)
Responsibilities: Gym, driving, working, pestering the mailman, paying A MILLION BILLS (SCHOOL LOANS....NOOOO!), rarely sleeping, looking alright, dealing with a few stubborn guys, snapchatting people, and  finding ways to make more money (yes yes yes I still poop and eat).
Job: Marketing and Business Development for a good company.

I must admit, looking at this list, I have come a long way from where I used to be, but the fact that I can't seem to pay off anything...is..well...ridiculous.

Thus, I have come to the conclusion that growing up sucks balls, a phrase that a friend used to say on a daily basis. A phrase I have come to know as:

sucks balls- An expression used when things are shitty (according to Urban Dictionary).

 While I do have a job that pays, I still do not make enough to pay off my credit cards, loans, car loan and everything else that is on a loan. So for the next few days I have gone Google "insane" and have spent a few days looking for ideas...

How to make money according to Google:

1. Become a gold digger
2. Sell your body to advertising companies so they can tattoo your forehead.
3. Become a moving billboard- wear ads on your shirt, use their pens and use your car to stick their ads on.
4. Sell items on Ebay (I have plenty going on...this can only get me so far, unfortunately).
5. Do another persons dirty work by joining a site that everyone seems to be on and have no chance of even getting that job to begin with.
6. Garage sale! (I have no yard and no garage...I live in a cave somewhere).
7. Pan Handling
8. Write Reviews (unfortunately this doesn't pay all that well...at all).
9. Sell your photography (I have yet to find someone who will buy any of it).
10. Sell your soul to the pawn shop (I don't even have gold or anything worth pawning).

I read plenty of other ideas that were well...a bit...disturbing. At some point I was waiting for someone to say that the best way to make money was by selling unicorn milk.

Gladly, there isn't anyone twisted enough to think of that, except for me. Maybe I should start selling unicorn milk, possibly do a false advertisement of how magical you'll feel in the mornings after drinking unicorn milk or how unicorn milk will make you sparkle just like the vampires in Twilight.



Unfortunately, I don't think unicorn milk can stop my responsibilities or pay all my bills...Growing up definitely sucks balls.

BALLS.

Hanny the coffee bean

(and yes I really had to emphasis the balls part).



20 comments:

  1. I can't remember when I realised I don't buy things if I want to pay bills ....I've erased that horrible moment from my memory ....sometimes I feel like asking people who are 95 what they have learned, just so I can be prepared for it all

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should you never know what you might learn!

      Delete
  2. *waaah* Why can't we be born old and grown 'down'- then we'd always have youth and lower responsibilities to look forward to!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True but then we wouldn't be able to do anything on our own as toddlers.

      -Hanny

      Delete
  3. Growing up does really suck. I have a friend who is stuck in literally a dead end job. No prospect advancements at all. She's forced to keep doing it though because she does have bills to pay and doesn't want to feel useless when her girlfriend is doing all the work. Still just because you are growing up, that doesn't mean you can't still be a kid occasionally. Watch some cartoons, drink a juicebox, and generally be a kid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its been ages since I picked up a juicebox! Ah the memories, but Ill definitely consider doing all that when I can. For now Ill stick to going on the swings before work :p

      -Hanny

      Delete
  4. Yup, it's growing up that makes me feel like running away to the mountains of Nepal and become a subsistence farmer. But I'm too lazy to do even that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahha if you ever go, take me with you!

      -Hanny

      Delete
  5. I'm 25 with a ton of student loans too. I use SUCKS BALLS often. And also "_____ can suck my dick" which doesn't really work because I'm a woman, but I'm jelly that boys can say that and I can't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha guys get away with saying a lot, but who cares say it anyways :D and I'm glad I'm not the only one in the same situation, although it still sucks.

      -Hanny

      Delete
  6. I'm 26, so quite the old fogey round these here parts. You 25 year olds, get off my lawn and such!

    At what age does it start to go the other way? I just want to know the optimum to shit myself in public without being held accountable for my actions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! You are only a year older, old man!

      I don't know, but I really wish it was now :p

      Delete
  7. This was all round fantastic, loved the break down of age/responsibilities, hilarious idea! But also sadly accurate :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! And yes it is sad...

      -Hanny

      Delete
  8. I'm confused. I thought Sparkles was the donkey that the lady with the International Delite (ID) Coffee creamer gets to ride. And don't Unicorns eat Magic Hay that they have to get a prescription for in California or Arizona?
    And speaking of Donkeys, everyone should pay taxes!


    http://agent54nsa.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol now that is what I call imagination! I like how you think!

      -Hanny

      Delete
  9. How does unicorn milk taste? Just wondering.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no idea, but I bet its magical!

      -Hanny

      Delete
  10. This is a little depressing, but I personally LOVE being an adult... at least compared to being a kid. I was a stressed-out little kid, and I'm not sure why.

    I am way more laid back now that I'm old.

    It might be because I've got a unicorn, so... Ka-ching!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are parts of being an adult that I do love. The part that gets to me is all the bills we have to pay as adults and the wrinkles.

      Yo! I want a unicorn! What does unicorn milk taste like? You should sell it.

      -Hanny

      Delete

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