Growing Up Sucks Balls

When I was younger, I used to have this huge desire to grow up. To do everything everyone older than me did--going to concerts, driving, traveling, staying up past 11 p.m. and all the other things I couldn't do as a child. I would sometimes throw temper tantrums screaming "I CAN'T WAIT TO GROW UP!"

Oh how wrong was I...

                                                 photo credit: Ahoova via photopin cc
                                                 (Nope...not me. I'm a woman)

It was foolish of me to think that my life would be easy and to overlook the very things that stress me out.
Bills, bills, and more bills. As a child, I did not comprehend the way of life, to me it was just a world of playgrounds, cartoons, swings and food. Nothing else existed to me and on occasions I would throw hissy fits when I didn't get what I wanted. Of course, as I started to grow up, so did my responsibilities.

Below you will find the growth of my responsibilities:

Age: 1
Responsibilities: Pooped, ate and slept.
Job: Cried

Age: 6
Responsibilities: Pooped, ate, slept, smiled and looked pretty.
Job: Eating McDonald's Fries.

Age: 10
Responsibilities: Pooped, ate, slept, annoyed brother, occasionally smiled and rarely looked pretty.
Job: Watched cartoons

Age: 13
Responsibilities: Annoyed brother, never smiled, hid from bullies, chores and observed (Yes...I still pooped, ate and slept).
Job: Referee for fights in my house

Age: 16
Responsibilities: Chores, homework, walking the dog, screaming, applying to colleges, pooped, ate, and slept.
Job: Breaking out of my house every so often.

Age: 20
Responsibilities: Gym, homework, driving, boyfriend, working, paying cell phone, rarely slept, looked pretty, and ate.
Job: Worked in Retail.

Age: 22
Responsibilities: Gym, homework, driving, working, paying several bills, rarely slept, dated, looked like a disaster and ate.
Job: I had temp. jobs (at least...I made them temp.)

Age: 25 (NOW)
Responsibilities: Gym, driving, working, pestering the mailman, paying A MILLION BILLS (SCHOOL LOANS....NOOOO!), rarely sleeping, looking alright, dealing with a few stubborn guys, snapchatting people, and  finding ways to make more money (yes yes yes I still poop and eat).
Job: Marketing and Business Development for a good company.

I must admit, looking at this list, I have come a long way from where I used to be, but the fact that I can't seem to pay off anything...is..well...ridiculous.

Thus, I have come to the conclusion that growing up sucks balls, a phrase that a friend used to say on a daily basis. A phrase I have come to know as:

sucks balls- An expression used when things are shitty (according to Urban Dictionary).

 While I do have a job that pays, I still do not make enough to pay off my credit cards, loans, car loan and everything else that is on a loan. So for the next few days I have gone Google "insane" and have spent a few days looking for ideas...

How to make money according to Google:

1. Become a gold digger
2. Sell your body to advertising companies so they can tattoo your forehead.
3. Become a moving billboard- wear ads on your shirt, use their pens and use your car to stick their ads on.
4. Sell items on Ebay (I have plenty going on...this can only get me so far, unfortunately).
5. Do another persons dirty work by joining a site that everyone seems to be on and have no chance of even getting that job to begin with.
6. Garage sale! (I have no yard and no garage...I live in a cave somewhere).
7. Pan Handling
8. Write Reviews (unfortunately this doesn't pay all that well...at all).
9. Sell your photography (I have yet to find someone who will buy any of it).
10. Sell your soul to the pawn shop (I don't even have gold or anything worth pawning).

I read plenty of other ideas that were well...a bit...disturbing. At some point I was waiting for someone to say that the best way to make money was by selling unicorn milk.

Gladly, there isn't anyone twisted enough to think of that, except for me. Maybe I should start selling unicorn milk, possibly do a false advertisement of how magical you'll feel in the mornings after drinking unicorn milk or how unicorn milk will make you sparkle just like the vampires in Twilight.

Unfortunately, I don't think unicorn milk can stop my responsibilities or pay all my bills...Growing up definitely sucks balls.

BALLS.

Hanny the coffee bean

(and yes I really had to emphasis the balls part).

How To Make Money...or Not

I have come to the point in my life, where all my bills are attacking me. They have finally come at me like a stampede of animals trying to break through some barriers.

As stated in past posts, I am only just a student getting by with what I get paid. This is used in paying credit cards, rent, phone bill, groceries, and *cough*Netflix*cough*. I know it doesn't seem like a lot to pay, but then there is the usual car troubles or the usual trips to Miami to visit the family.

So in an attempt to make more money I came up with solutions that does not involve me getting a second job.

1. Sell "Donate" my brain to science



Just like some people sell "donate" their plasma for money, I should sell "donate" my brain to science. I would make millions off my brain! I mean who wouldn't want the brain of a left handed leap year born Latina short girl?! Of course the only down fall with this is that by the time I would give my brain to science, I wouldn't be alive to enjoy the money.

2. Stand on the corner



No, no, no...not selling my body, but rather just stand on the corner with a flashing neon sign saying "Throw money at me" and see if people will just throw money at me. The problem with this is that the prostitutes who own any of the corners of my choice might kill me.

3. Exterminate BIG RATS

By big rats...I don't mean literally a rat, if you get my drift. It would be perfect, I'll pretend to be exterminating pests, but the only pests to exterminate will be the ones with a bounty on their heads. Like that one movie called EXterminators.

4. Sell other people stuff on Ebay

I am not talking about dressing up as santa claus, breaking into houses and taking valuables to sell. I am talking about selling items that once belonged to cheating significant others. Have a cheating significant other? Have evidence? Then let me sell it! What better way to get money than to sell it online and the people who do allow me access to these items will get the satisfaction of revenge. (Just like the woman a few years ago...This is what happens to cheaters and mistresses)

5. Anyone want a guy?

That's right. I have a good amount of guy friends, all very handsome and cheap too. I'll start at 50 dollars. Of course, selling them will leave me kind of lonely and eventually it will start something...

6. Sell squirrels to the black market

Why not?

Eh. maybe I'll look for other ways to make money, where I won't get shot.

Hanny the coffee bean

Lottery

Being a student is in no way easy, especially when you are trying to make it on your own. I have been relying on my loans to get me through school and my rent, but because of one mistake during my spring semester, I have now lost the chance of getting a loan from my school.

On top of all that I do not even have a job, but I am looking for one and have probably applied to about 10 different places already.

My financial situation got me to think, what if I were to play the lotto? I see people win all the time! (then again winning the lotto is like getting hit by lightning, and you do not see that often).

I have tried the lotto before, but for some reason this time I feel like I could win (plus I'm desperate). I do not believe in gambling or in winning money by chance, but what do I have to lose except for maybe a dollar? or maybe 10 dollars...

So what do you all think? what is the most desperate way you have tried to make money in time of need?

(Yes that drawing up there is mine...I just used a different program for it).

Hanny the coffee bean

Dear Ex Boyfriend and Lunatic Druggie Roommate

Dear Ex Boyfriend,
You are the scumbag of this earth. Though we have had pleasant memories together, you have done nothing more than to ruin my life. I remember when you said that you would never leave me, but when I most needed you, you left me. Not only did you manage to break my undies when you decided it would be a fun idea to put them on, but you also caused me to lose a scholarship, get kicked out of my dream school, and put me in a financial rut. Sure, maybe I shouldn't have let the emotional wounds you had caused me to distract me from my studies, but how would I have managed to do that when you broke it off with me during finals week? You kept me hanging, and I couldn't even stand up to you because of my undying love for you. This letter could keep on going and going, but I would rather set my hair on fire, roll in a bed full of roaches, stick my hand in a tank of piranhas, eat my own foot, get bitten by a rabid animal, and get struck by lightning rather than having to say another word to you.

I hope you are happy with the dog you decided to leave me for.

Never will be yours because I'm too good for you,

Hanny


Dear Lunatic Druggie Roommate,

You are the crappiest person I have ever met. I remember the first time I met you, I thought you were going to be different from my last roommate, who was a liar and a bit psychotic, but you ended up turning into some kind of evil lunatic. You were always hanging around with your boyfriend, and just his presence made the apartment feel uncomfortable. There was something about you two I never liked, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I thought I was just being judgmental, but boy was I wrong. You made my whole spring semester a living hell especially when you broke it off with your boyfriend, and you started to bring strangers into the apartment late at night. Not only did you make the whole apartment feel unsafe, you also brought in criminals to the apartment making me fear for my own well being. Throughout the chaos you wrecked at the apartment with your heavy drinking and your use of drugs (making the whole apartment smell bad), I tried to avoid you and the apartment, but by doing so it caused me emotional stress, mental stress, lack of sleep, lack of study time, spending money eating out, and paranoia 24/7.

I hope you are happy wherever you are.

Your very unhappy, paranoid, and broke roommate,

Hanny


Thank you for the baggage Ex-boyfriend and Lunatic Druggie Roommate.

Hanny