Saturday, August 14, 2010

Dear Ex Boyfriend and Lunatic Druggie Roommate

Dear Ex Boyfriend,
You are the scumbag of this earth. Though we have had pleasant memories together, you have done nothing more than to ruin my life. I remember when you said that you would never leave me, but when I most needed you, you left me. Not only did you manage to break my undies when you decided it would be a fun idea to put them on, but you also caused me to lose a scholarship, get kicked out of my dream school, and put me in a financial rut. Sure, maybe I shouldn't have let the emotional wounds you had caused me to distract me from my studies, but how would I have managed to do that when you broke it off with me during finals week? You kept me hanging, and I couldn't even stand up to you because of my undying love for you. This letter could keep on going and going, but I would rather set my hair on fire, roll in a bed full of roaches, stick my hand in a tank of piranhas, eat my own foot, get bitten by a rabid animal, and get struck by lightning rather than having to say another word to you.

I hope you are happy with the dog you decided to leave me for.

Never will be yours because I'm too good for you,


Dear Lunatic Druggie Roommate,

You are the crappiest person I have ever met. I remember the first time I met you, I thought you were going to be different from my last roommate, who was a liar and a bit psychotic, but you ended up turning into some kind of evil lunatic. You were always hanging around with your boyfriend, and just his presence made the apartment feel uncomfortable. There was something about you two I never liked, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I thought I was just being judgmental, but boy was I wrong. You made my whole spring semester a living hell especially when you broke it off with your boyfriend, and you started to bring strangers into the apartment late at night. Not only did you make the whole apartment feel unsafe, you also brought in criminals to the apartment making me fear for my own well being. Throughout the chaos you wrecked at the apartment with your heavy drinking and your use of drugs (making the whole apartment smell bad), I tried to avoid you and the apartment, but by doing so it caused me emotional stress, mental stress, lack of sleep, lack of study time, spending money eating out, and paranoia 24/7.

I hope you are happy wherever you are.

Your very unhappy, paranoid, and broke roommate,


Thank you for the baggage Ex-boyfriend and Lunatic Druggie Roommate.



  1. OH NO! The university wouldn't give you a break? :-(

    I'm calling you!

    -French Bean

  2. "Not only did you manage to break my undies when you decided it would be a fun idea to put them on"


  3. Oh, and regarding ex-boyfriends with underwear: When we went together one weekened to his village so I could meet his family, he grabbed one of my bras and put it on himself as a joke. He walked into the kitchen to show his sister his new "breasts," she said "hm, they kinda look a little low."

    After he gave me back the bra, he said to me while pointing to his chest "I've always wanted to have boobs just so I could see what it's like! I sometimes wish I were a girl!"


    Yeah. I don't know if he was kidding, but he did make me wonder if, perchance, he were a closet homosexual/transgender. :-P

    -French Bean

  4. Love the dog link! :)

    Hang in there.

  5. Yikes. That sounds horrible. I'm sorry to hear what happened.


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