Thursday, August 12, 2010

Yet A Few More Letters to Things That Don't Need Letters

[The first set of letters is here and the second one is here.]

Dear Rainy Season:

You are really putting a cramp in my style (especially my hair; curse you, humidity). Thanks to you, I have not been able to take my evening walks around the school for 4 days now, so I decided to try to wake up early in the mornings.

Why on earth did you rain again??? I thought you were supposed to rain only in the afternoons. For crying out loud, it's like you can't make up your mind! Are you just trying to divert me from my weight loss goals? Thanks to a lack of exercise, I've been feeling like a lazy blob. I really need to get out of the house and move a bit. This is good not only for my physical health but also my currently dismal state of mind. Ugh.

I need a cup of coffee.

Dear Cup of Coffee:

You taste yummy. I think I'll have another one of you soon.

Dear Sun and Blue Skies:

Thank you for coming back so I can do my walks. Can you tell your buddies Heat and Humidity to go away?

Dear Crescent Moon:

You were exceptionally beautiful tonight.

Dear Lap:

I finally ran you today. I first speed-walked 7 of you and decided to run you. Completely. I haven't run one of you since I was a Freshman in high school. I remember that I always huffed and puffed pathetically, trotting behind the others as they each passed me one by one. At least today, I felt like I was running only for myself. Thank you for giving me a sense of empowerment.

Dear Next Monday:

I normally would dread having you arrive (even if your considerably more attractive buddy Thursday is currently in town), but I admit that I look forward to seeing you soon! When you make your presence, I will drive down to the French consulate and pick up my passport that will hopefully have a long-stay visa. ^.^ I can't wait!


Update Letter

Dear McDonald's:

I just saw a commercial for one of your Angus beef wraps. Screw you.

Barb the French Bean


  1. I take great comfort knowing that I'm not the only person who composes such letters.

  2. i hear you...esp about makes my muscles feel like jelly.

  3. Poor Monday. How can he compete with all the other days of the week. You should show him a little more love. I hear he is very lonely and spends his time shut in his room with a bottle of Jack listening to Celin Dion.

  4. Rachel: It's comforting to see I'm not the only one either! ^.^

    Pancake: The Humidity only magnifies the intensity of the Heat. When those two team up, it makes going outside a feat of danger.

    Stu: Ha, ha. I'm sure Céline would be pleased to know that Monday is a fan of her music.

    Speaking of Jack, I'm currently watching Kesha giving a concert on TV right now. It seems that Friday is celebrated far more than Monday will *ever* be.

    Friday vs. Monday. Kesha vs. Céline Dion...who will win?

    -French Bean

  5. Dear Two Beans.

    Very VERY good fun. Merci beaucoup.

    (I threw that last one in there as a nod to your impeding French residence. See? I pay attention.)

    - B x

  6. Um...isn't it alway hot and humid in Florida? I would think you'd be used to it by now...

  7. Barreness: Yes, I saw. ^.^ Merci!

    RandomRambler: Well, I'm not used to it. I got more used to the cold during the 7 months I was in Dijon than the 19 years I've been living in Miami. Go figure.

  8. The humidity here is making me angry, too. For my friend's birthday I spent 13 hours on a painting that refuses to dry!

  9. Humidity sucks. After 12 years in New Orleans, I've grown to hate summer. Google "pink slime" and you won't have a problem refusing hamburgers from McDonald's anymore (except, perhaps, in France). It's worked for me for about 2 weeks now.


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb