Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Jobs I Wish I Could Do

I have spent the past four months achieving nothing of great importance. The idle hiatus of not having a proper job has caused me to seriously re-evaluate what I want to do with my life and has confronted me with the reality of my situation.

As it is, I am a college graduate who possesses a B.A. in Literature with a minor in French; this makes me twice as likely to remain unemployed. Should I go back to college to take out a Masters, I would need to aim for a career that will at least provide me with a stable source of sufficient income.

I won't sugarcoat it: I've felt completely useless at times. Despite having previous work experience, despite having an admirable level of intelligence, despite being fluent in three languages, I just fear that I will never find a job which will fully grant me a much needed financial peace.

Then again, I suspect that my failure is also tied to my unrealistic expectations of life. I've always considered myself to be a dreamer whose head spends far too much time cruising the vast skies and studying the composition of masses of fluffy suspended things. It's this imagination that will unfortunately create an impediment for me to secure a respectable career.

I'm at a crossroads in my life. I am young but I but I don't know what to do with my youth. I wander aimlessly. I occasionally stumble on a notion of what appears to be a brilliant idea only to divert once again. I linger at the threshold of adulthood while still clinging to my past puerile expectations of following my heart. Perhaps in a few years, I will find some balance to this. This might include finding a husband who, with my help, will have enough money to support the French brats we might hypothetically spawn.

Still, a girl can dream about what she would like to do...

1. Singer

Why not? I had a pleasant melodious voice when I was a kid.

Oh. There is a reason why I use the past tense. The melodious quality is gone. I now sound like a creature of what would result from a frog if it mated with a cat, and that creature possesses a relentless sore throat. Yet somehow the manner in which my voice resonates as I sing in the shower makes me believe that I could still do this job.

(You have my permission to mock my cartoon's lack of boobs.)

I picture myself of being a mixture of Shakira, Lady Gaga and Carly Simon. I've even thought of my stage name: BAB$! The Dollar sign and the exclamation mark will be necessary when magazine journalists clamour for the interviews they want to publish. I would have tons of adoring fans who fund my hot-ticket sold-out shows. My face and name would be glued on every printable surface available.

And I mean every surface...

Yet in these days, a mega-star singer has to be a multi-faceted entrepreneur. A singer has to not only belt out songs on command but also design and sell their own clothing line, make guest appearances on T.V. shows, endorse soft drinks, sign their hair to a contract, write autobiographical books, start a perfume line and sell their own brand of computers.

I just want to be a singer, not remove the jobs that other people could do more efficiently. Besides, I'm far too lazy to do all of that.

2. Paleontologist

When I was young, I dreamed of going out in the desert and digging up dinosaur bones. Perhaps I would even find a new species and name it after myself!

Except, growing up, I hit a couple of hitches that stopped my paleontologist goal in its tracks: I hate the heat, and I tan easily.

3. Reality T.V. Show Host

Screw being a contestant who willing humiliates himself in front of millions of captive viewers. I'll be the host so I can at least give the impression that I am the sane one among the crowd of 20-something contestants who are fighting to not be kicked off the show.

4. Astronomer

Not to be confused with astrologer (Aries: You will find the true love of your life, and he will be too stupid to keep you. You'll marry someone else).

If it weren't for all the math involved, I would happily sit behind a telescope at NASA and gaze up at the sea of stars dotting across the celestial universe.

5. Politician

Ha, ha. Yeah, right.

6. Ice Cream Taster

Sure, I'd gain 2,500 pounds a couple of pounds but, COME ON. The job title is self-explanatory!

7. Novelist

Hey, if Stephanie Meyers can achieve fame buy milking people's hard-earned money with her human/vampire/werewolf love triangle, how hard could it be?

Lately, however, I've noticed that my English skillz (yes, with a Z) have diminished under my eyes. I look at the old essays I crafted during my high school years and I'm thoroughly shocked that I was even capable of composing something of that verbose caliber. I admit it: ever since I crossed my high school doors for the last time, the once-avid reader has disintegrated into an uncultured being I hardly recognize.

With much alarm, I've noticed that my level of vocabulary has lowered as I constantly reach the dictionary to verify the definition of a word I used to know only a few years ago. Hours of mindless gazing at the flickering T.V. screen have undeniably proven to be detrimental to my educational well-being. I'm afraid that one morning I shall awake to discover that I no longer possess mastery of my native tongue and can no longer effectively communicate to convey messages to other native speakers.

What the hell happened? Am I dumbing down? Or has my poetic ability merely hidden itself in the cavernous areas of my mind? Is it just lurking, waiting for a moment where it will pounce upon its next hapless victim?

Meh. Who knows? Rather than sulking, I'll spend the next few days engulfing myself in the world of Jane Eyre. At least that will be more productive to my I.Q. points than worrying about a job.

Barb the French Bean


  1. Oh, do I love thee, let me count the ways...

    1) you are quite the little artist and I want to hug that shark for some reason he is so freaking cute;
    2) you are funny as hell and I am kicking myself for just following you a couple of weeks ago; and
    3) I have OCD and have to do things in threes.

    i [heart] you barb.

  2. Reading this today.... Crazy its completely the same as my. Im a graduate, history and film, and not sure what to do with my life. But we arent alone!! Plenty of my graduate friends are unsure, currently working such amazing jobs as "bar wench" and "petrol station person." !!!!

    I was thinking of being a teacher, doing a PGCE and back to uni. then I read how stressful it is that you nearly die and lose your relationship whilst trying to study. Its scared me. Im not so sure now!!!
    Kitty xxx

  3. I'm right with you about that singing voice. I used to be fairly good, and a proud spot in that awkward middle school chorus. Now, though, well, the cat will listen to me so long as I am simultaneously pouring food into her bowl.

  4. i would love to be a professional cupcake taster, but seriously? they would have to knock out a wall of my house and bring me to work via fork lift!

  5. We can all relate to that slightly lost feeling. I've only just recently come to terms with my degree.

    You just need to decide what you want your literature degree means for you, and that's certainly not unemployed! If it means a step to a masters that's great, but unless you do it part time at night its going to be a little more time in the poor house (and less of a life either way). I would suggest finding a job and then figuring out if a masters (or which masters specifically) would advance your career to the stellar heights you're sure to achieve =]

  6. I think most of us come to that point in our lives where we just have no clue what we are doing with our lives and we just wander around aimlessly hoping that our dreams and career will fall into our laps and make life that much easier, or better yet, a stack of money or winning lotto ticket falls into our laps. Thats the best one. But in these situations, none of those ever happen. I recently decided to go to college (I'm 20 years old, and one year passed high school grad) but I also intend on living away from my parent and trying to make a life for myself. This proved to be impossible once I lost my job and now I am lost on what I am suppose to do at this point in my life. I have 2 months left of 600 rent that I cant pay, but I cant move out because the lease break is over 1200 dollars... and in that case, I may as wlel just stay in the apartment and pay 1200 dollars. See the kind of trouble life throws us into? Im basically open for any career right about now, even mcdonalds would be a value to my bank account. So you can always dream abou careers but most of the time, your stuck taking the road that leads to mcdonalds simply to humor your bank account.

    Thanks for the first comment on my blog since I started it btw :D

  7. Lol, I caught a bit of time between homework and cleaning to scan through this. I'd write a detailed paragraph on how I like it but since I last the time I fell this will cover it:

    You're just awesome.

  8. Amber: And I heart you too, 100th follower. ^.^ MUAH!

    Kitty: Yes, working and studying can indeed be stressful, but so is *not* having money. :-P

    Lydia: You have coerced your fan to listen to you. That counts for something, right? :-)

    Jess: Yep! I feel that should I become an ice cream taster, I might have to have a custom-made car that would support my large frame!!!

    Stretch: Thanks for your encouragement! Whatever I end up doing, I simply must continue with my studies. If I remain in France, I would either like to be an English teacher or just work in the tourism industry. Both jobs would require my language skillz (yes, with a Z).

    Miss Misery: Oh, dear. o_O"

    Yes, I can totally understand what you mean...I console myself with the fact that everything happens for a reason that we don't comprehend at present, but things eventually work out. Or so I hope. :-P

    And you're welcome. :-)

    Sotepop: Thanks! How's school going for you?

    -French Bean

  9. Thanks for stopping by my blog...this post is great. I'm an old mom now and don't even use that Finance degree that seemed so helpful after graduation...enjoy life, do what you love, and keep writing, you have (as my kids would say) mad skills.

  10. Haha... I am very amused. I wantto be a novelist btw. xD The pictures are awesome.

  11. Love the reality show cartoon!! So cute! :)

    Nothing like being unemployed to question everything about yourself. I went through that phase myself, ultimately realizing that I have pretty much NO skills to offer the world. Humble pie? I'll take another slice, please - with whipped cream.

  12. OMFG, Beanosaurus Rex... the thighs... that's some good stuff right there.

    You should totally capitalize on your multilingualism. In Canada you could get a sweet-ass government job with both French and English. Great pay, great vacation, little work and healthcare!

    Seriously though, maximize those skills!

    And play Boggle or Word Bubbles to keep your mind greased!

  13. lmfao! i still have like most of these on my to do list. i want to be a singer. every time i watch glee, i feel a bit sadder.

  14. Ever thought of teachers college? One more year and you could always teach (even overseas)...

    and yes, you would do VERY well in Canada, with your creds. :)

  15. haha your so funny hun.

    I agree with the mind wandering. I fantasize at church sometimes that if I could sing I'd have a whole performance to go with the song and I'd have a solo light on me and how much my voice would bring others to tears.

    then i snap out of it and realize NO WONDER god gave me a horrible harmony I'd totally abuse my gift. haha

    I have to use the dictionary CONSTANTLY! i love blogging because I have learned an immense amount of words in the last month and plus I have learned a lot definitions to words that I use often without really thinking of what they REALLY mean.

    I think it is awesome that you are trilingual. I have a passion for SPANISH and have often thought of studying it and minoring in it but like you said. WHAT IN THE WORLD WOULD I DO WITH THAT DEGREE?? lol I mean seriously. I would probably be better off taking rosetta stone to work on my laptop and learning that way. teaching spanish would be awesome but still i just don't know. i do wish to live in spain. however, a degree in spanish won't really benefit me as long as I am fluent i suppose.

    well that is all i have. love your blog and appreciate the drawings.. they really make a difference in the reading.

    your character has class so, of course, in the shower her boobs go INVISIBLE. nobody needs to have lustful thoughts over your comic strip now. it's about the blog not the characters imaginary body parts.


  16. been reading fair amount of yer posts lately and when i saw this program i thought of you :-)

    thought you might have a lot of fun with it and pretty damned sure you could come up with some great stuff

  17. omg that looks like a standard spammy advert huh .. shit ill rephrase it all ...
    dear beans ya know i get a giggle from yer blogs and when i saw this site

    i thought "damn i bet beans could do a lot of good things with it ;-)"

    there did that sound less like spam?

  18. Stephanie: Thanks for saying I have mad skillz!

    Tricia: I'll have a slice, thanks.

    StephanieC: Thanks for the suggestions! I'll use the "elbow grease" you provided. :-)

    Pancake: Try to smile when you watch the show rather than feeling sad! ^.^

    Karen: I have thought of becoming a teacher (that is still one of my current options), but I really have to look carefully into this.

    SavedthruLove: Hey, my blogging friend! If you do wind up in Spain someday, Spanish will naturally be of good use to you (duh). I haven't tried Rosetta Stone, but I've heard from someone who sells the program that he managed to learn TURKISH using it! O_O"

    Widow: My dear, thanks so much for your slightly-sounds-like-spam links. I know you meant well for me! ^.^

    -French Bean

  19. Haha
    I must say I always wanted to be a paleontologist, astronomer or novelist personally also.
    Though, I agree, I feel as if though my English writing skills since leaving HS, college and law school have diminished to stupidity level. I sometimes look at my writing and go, "WHAT THE HELL? You used AMAZING and DELICIOUS a million times! Do you know any other words?"

    My problem with astronomy? Math.

    My problem with paleontolgy? Skin conditions that would be worse in the wild. LOL

    I wish you the best in your goal to find a career. I definitely feel you in so many ways!!! I just recently got a new job and hopefully that will lead to a fruitful career ... oh and money, lots of money.

  20. Hey, Bean, you should try applying for the FBI. Last time I checked, to be an FBI analyst (or agent, not exactly sure), you have to know 3 languages! :)

  21. Janice: Thanks very much! ^.^

    Random Rambler: Hm. I hadn't considered that as a job option, but then I don't fit the "persona" of being an agent. :-P

    -French Bean

  22. I'd spring for cable if "It's Your Life, Don't Die" were a real show.

  23. I definitely am right there with you. Being stuck in life is the absolute worst.

    My advice to you is to go abroad. And stay there for awhile till things start to figure themselves out. It worked for me.

    Good luck to you =)


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb