This is What Happens on Dating Sites

As you may all know from my past Ok Cupid post, I have kept my account on Ok Cupid for fun. I kept getting messages that people kept checking me out, but I never went on Ok Cupid to see

what these messages were all about...until now.

I was checking my emails when a message caught my attention from a so called "Thenewguyforyou." With nothing much to do, I decided to check what the message was all about and so I signed into my account...

What a mistake.

I ended up reading at least 8 different messages and each one more ridiculous than the other, but nothing as creepy as what thenewguyforyou had to say to me.

Now obviously this HAS to be a joke because I really don't think a guy would tell me all this shit (though who knows anymore...).

I continued to read the messages to see what other "interesting" things these men would say to me...

Really?? What is up with sandwiches lately. I'm beginning to think this joke is getting old, though I must admit I would have replied with "Me making sandwiches? you're the man you should know how to make your own god damn sandwich."

A lot of the comments I've gotten have been very entertaining, but nothing as entertaining as getting a "spammy" message and if you get one of those on Ok Cupid, you get this message:

Oh Ok Cupid! You amuse me so, let me tell you in so many ways...

Yeah, he knows exactly what I've been dealing with.

Hanny the coffee bean

P.S: While I was writing this post, I got this message:

Was that supposed to work?

The Ass Plan

Okay. A week ago, I signed up for an online dating website in the hope of finding a man. Well, not only have I discovered quite a few members of the male variety on said website but I also am starting to believe that I'm completely wasting my time getting a little dismayed with the whole concept of internet dating websites. I honestly feel like a prospector who is fruitlessly panning among dirt to perhaps someday find a valuable and priceless diamond.


So far, I've been hit on by complete duds (and no, not "dudes"). I don't mean to be so unkind but these duds range from being young men to old guys to really, really old guys...and what is worse, most of them openly admit that all they want is le plan cul.


What's that, you ask? Literally translated, le plan cul means "the Ass Plan," and the idea is that you hook up with someone strictly for sex. It can be equated to a regular one-night stand, but I get the idea that it can also apply to a couple who proceed to hump each other on several occasions. These open admissions, of course, chip away at what little faith I already have in humankind.




Remember the creepy old guy I met on the bus? Well, now it seems that I encounter the internet version of him at least 5 times a day...









I mean, this is supposed to be a dating website, for crying out loud. Surely, Frenchmen would look elsewhere if they wanted to have sexual relations with a woman, right?

Just today, I chatted with a 24-year-old who said his name was Maxime. This is a rough approximation of the conversation we had.


Maxime: Bonjour.


Me: Bonjour.


Maxime: My name's Maxime. What's yours?


Me: Mmmm...I'm not quite ready to divulge that information with you yet. ^.^




Maxime: Lol. Okay I understand.


So, what are you looking for on this website?



Me: Well, I'm not sure.


I'm at a point in my life where I want to focus on ameliorating myself. I have goals that I want to meet and I cannot be distracted from reaching them.


Still, I think my desires are pretty conflicting with my goals...




Maxime: Ah, really? Do tell!




Me: Well...this perhaps is a bit personal but the last time I opened my heart to someone, it resulted in me being badly hurt. On top of that, I ended up becoming distracted from my goals. I began to place his needs before mine.


It was stupid to do that but that's how the heart reacts when you're in love.




Maxime: So, what you're saying is that you want to have a physical desire fulfilled but to not be emotionally attached to the person?


Me: No, that's not quite it.




Maxime: I'm not talking about sentimental involvement...just pleasure?




Me, thinking: (Fuck you, Maxime...)


No, I don't want that either.



Maxime: Oh, that's too bad. Ha ha.




Me, thinking: ("Ha ha" your ass, loser.)


Ha, ha. Yeah, le plan cul isn't for me. I crave something more than that.


Maxime: Well, yes, we all need something more but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't interested in that as well.


Me: I can imagine. I think I'm just going to live each day as it comes.


*logs off*



Ugh. It really disgusts me how people feign interest and concern only to mask their ulterior motives.


I'm sincerely beginning to wonder why these French losers have been so forward about searching for an Ass Plan with me. I have heard that (unfortunately) Frenchmen believe that American girls are "easy," so perhaps they think that I am ready to willingly jump on top of them in blink of an eye?

Beware of the Frenchman who describes himself as "living to enjoy life." To him, that may mean that he's interested in sleeping with as many women as possible. And I really don't call that living.

Barb the French Bean

Well, I Caved in and Did It.

I'm 23 years old and I've given up hope on finding the elusive Mr. Right, A.K.A. Prince Charming. I am fairly convinced that the Disney Prince Charming that was hammered into my brain as a little girl is really just a big farce that has completely distorted my perception of what I should look for in a man.





I'm not saying I haven't encountered my fair share of men. I've met plenty of Mr. Oh-So-Wrongs, Mr. HELL NOs, Mr. Way Out of My Leagues and Mr. Ha-Ha, Yeah Rights. And let's not forget Loser Ex-Boyfriend (A.K.A. Mr. What-The-Hell-Were-You-Thinking, Moron?).

I've been told several times that I shouldn't look for love. Love will come to me. I shouldn't waste my time searching for the Right One. The Almighty and Most Sacred Right One will just magically appear before my eyes when I least expect him to.

Whatever. I'm sick of that bullshit. I caved in and signed up for a dating website. It was a bit bizarre having to write a profile for myself, and in French, no less.

I'm still a bit wary about the whole experience, but we'll see how that goes...

Barb the French Bean

Ok Cupid, Leave Me Alone!

If you have ever read my post, Date Me, Please then you are aware that I have never been on a dating site or so I thought...

As you may all be quite aware, I am single. I have no problem with being single, but I do like the idea of having someone to care for. I really have not considered dating anyone since my ex-boyfriend, and I still seem to be having a little bit of difficulty adjusting to the fact that he is not in my life anymore.
Anyways a while back before my ex-boyfriend, I had enrolled myself into a dating site called 'OkCupid' (before it became popular) and though I did it for fun, I could not help to wonder if maybe I would find someone. It never happened...

Fast forward to 5 years later (Where I also ended up with some fake amnesia and completely forgot that I had a dating online profile!)...

I'm sitting at my desk checking my 7 email accounts (yes, I have 7 or well had), and since I tend to read everything quickly, I had never noticed the massive amount of OkCupid emails until now. Ever since I got a new phone, I have been on top of all my emails (especially with the massive notifications I get) and I have noticed that most of my emails come from OkCupid.

Trust me there is plenty more in my inbox, and some are rather interesting. Take the bottom picture for example. I thought it was interesting to get a message from Ok Cupid telling me how 'good looking' I am.

Well curiosity took its course and I ended up signing on to my profile only to find that my inbox was full of messages. Of course I had opened most of them before I decided to take a screen shot of them, and trust me the screen shot cannot show all the funny comments I had gotten. "Hey gurl, I thinx u hawt, cum chatz with a me or callzzz ###-###-####"

I find it amusing that most of them either have a butt face (A.K.A surprised face) or a very interesting name (Yeah I'm talking about you Lemur Guy), but either way no one can compare to my egg man. El Hombre Huevo! (Egg Man).

-Hanny the coffee bean

Side Note: Yes I did think about unsubcribing and deleting the account, but I seem to be having fun with it. So even though the messages still bother me, it is always fun to see the various ways people try to hit on you with one of the many cheesy lines many tend to use.

Random side note: Everytime I say Hombre Huevo, I end up singing the batman theme song at the end of it. Just take out the word Batman and replace it with Hombre Huevo.