Introducing...Another Late Night Post with Coffee Bean

It seems that all my ideas come to me late at night, but they rarely are ideas, they are more like random crazy thoughts. Anyone who is around me late at night will find how disturbing my mind can be, you would think I was on crack, but no I do not roll that way. I would like to call it a natural high that creates this whole little universe inside my head filled with some very messed up things.


I for once think I am absolutely normal (If I compare myself to all the other disturbed geniuses).

My first thought of tonight was nothing out of the ordinary, it was the usual guy that filled my thoughts.

No, it is NOT my ex-boyfriend, who I so happened to see this afternoon, but my mind was in thought with this other guy. The mere presence of my ex could not disrupt my happy in like thoughts.

(Lets call this other guy-- boohbah (the weird creatures in the following video)).



Anyways, so boohbah has been a great friend to me for a couple of months, but slowly without me realizing it, I started to become very fond of boohbah. It is kind of complicated to explain the closeness I started to have with boohbah, which basically means that boohbah and I have swapped spit (imagine swapping spit with a real boohbah).

At first this was just something sweet, but the more time we spent together talking, laughing, being their for each other, and just having fun with friends, the more I started to realize how much in like I was with him.

There are times where I can't eat because he's in my head.

There are times where I can't sleep because he's in my head.

There are times where I can't move because he's in my head.

Honestly....none of that has happened, I eat, sleep, and move well, but he is almost half the time in my HEAD.

I have told him how I felt, but it was a while back, and I do not think Boohbah knows how much my liking for him has grown. I do not even think Boohbah knows that I want to date him.

I have never wanted to date anyone in my life. Usually I get the requests, and sure I'll date them after being persuaded, but it has never been the other way around.

Finally, I find the one person I want to date, the one who has not at all persuaded me to date him, and the one who has shown absolutely more maturity than all the other Teletubbies I've dated.



Yet I still have no idea what to do about how I feel. Would I really want to risk ruining a friendship because I have a HUGE crush on Boohbah or do I just hide my feelings away and pretend like I am not over Mr. Fucking Idiot Teletubbie? (Teletubbie has nothing on Boohbah!).

I think I will rest on it before I start talking about liposuction and bees.

Hanny the Coffee Bean

(of course none of the videos are mine...not as demented as mine would be. Btw the cartoon lyrics are from MC Hammer-Can't touch this).

An Update from Yesterday's Post...

After a veeeeeeeeery long conversation, Loser Ex-Boyfriend and I have decided to do a "break" on the whole friendship. Meaning that we won't be speaking to each other for a while. It's my own personal strike in life.


Although I am pleased to report that he was impressed by my weight loss. He even commented on how mignonne (cute) I look now. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I thank all of you who left me messages about how to react (or, rather, what I should do), but it's hard to explain things sometimes. Perhaps I may lose some "cred" among you for having talked to him. I can't quite explain what's going on within me, guys. It's not love, that's for sure. But something's going on.

Also: I HAVE A SCALE NOW. And it says that I have now lost 36.74 pounds/ 16,7 kilos!!! ZOMG!!! I am now 51.26 pounds/23.3 kilos away from surpassing Shakira in hotness ranking!

That means that I have lost nearly 4 kilos since I stepped on French soil. Pretty soon, I'll have to shop for new jeans in maybe a month or two.

Jean shopping. IN FRANCE.

o_O" That strikes absolute terror into my heart. More than seeing my Ex again.

Just eight months ago, I was stuck trying to find a pair of jeans that would fit me in Dijon; I FOUND NOTHING. Not even in the incredibly unfashionable old grannies store. I was on the verge of tears but instead called Mom so she could send me a care package with new jeans.

I now hope that things will be different when I do buy new jeans!

(I promise that I will be back to my comedy blogging schedule soon...I got an idea just today, too!)

Barb the (slowly but surely disappearing) French Bean

Hoo, Boy...

For those of you who are not up-to-date with French current events, I expect that all hell will break loose sometime in the next few days.


For months, the French government has been debating whether or not to raise the retirement age for workers. The unions had planned a strike to occur today.


Last Saturday morning, I woke up to the news that the French Senate passed the bill to increase the retirement age from 60 to 62. It happened when no one expected it. BEFORE the strike happened. I'm pretty clueless about France's system of deputies and whatnot, but I do know that this decision will not sit well. The first thing to go will be the public transportation systems: buses, trains, the Métros in the larger cities.



As it is, my two ways of getting around Dijon are by bus and my own two feet.



YEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah...



Let me tell you that purchasing a bike looks VERY tempting right about now!



France is on strike today. I'm only used to one or two day strikes, but there is talk that the French railway will have une grève illimitée , a strike that has no exact date of when it will end...so this will be new for me. I expect a complete disaster in all areas of service.



In my Miami mindset, planning for a disaster (like hurricanes) includes buying two weeks' worth of food and water. Maybe I should add some terrine de foie gras to my Carrefour shopping list as well.


And in other news, Loser Ex-Boyfriend is in town and he wants to see me. Before I left Miami, he messaged me via Facebook to see if I would bite and accept his apology (which I stupidly did). We both agreed to be friends... and ever since then he's been spewing some total bullshit that I was his first love and that he misses me and my cooking. Why the fuck did I break the third step in the Kübler-Ross model? I shouldn't have bargained ANYTHING with that jerk.

Keep in mind: he still is dating his current girlfriend, so I really can't see why on Earth he would want to see me. He surely has better ways of spending his free time.

When I think about their relationship and the particular backstory about how her parents hate him, I think of this song:




I say let him come. I'll make him regret he EVER broke it off with me.

Wish me luck, folks.

Barb the (incredibly stupid) French Bean



Disclaimer: the video is not mine

The Lady with Killer's Eyes

Yesterday, I went to visit my colleague and French BFF, Mimi. While I had dinner with her family (really, they are more like a second family to me), Mimi recounted an incident in which she informed some of my former students that I would soon be assisting in their English classes.

For one of them, his memory synapses came on and said "Ah, Barbara? She's coming back? She's the lady who has killer's eyes!!!"

At this point, my brain made my mouth bolt out the following question:

I consider myself to be a rather docile person, so the last thing I ever expected for someone to say about me was that I had anything remotely close to someone who intentionally murders people. I asked Mimi to elaborate on what the student meant to say.

"What he meant when you had des yeux d'une tueuse was that you have a piercing gaze, that when you look at someone with sincerity, it seems as if you are boring into their soul."

That was pretty unexpected. I had secretly been half-hoping that meant that I have laser beam power like Superman and that I could kill with a single glance!

Nevertheless, I obtained, rather briefly, the illusion that I do have power, that I am not impotent over other human beings (a quality highly valued when you are in charge of running a classroom).

So, at the risk of offing some of you, I've debated and finally decided to share an image of my killer's eyes.

Ready?

Are you sure you are ready to see this???

Like, are you absolutely positive you want to see my killer's eyes?

(Remember: what has been seen CANNOT be unseen!)

(This is your last chance to turn back!!!!)

And...

My name is Barb the French Bean. My eyes peer into your soul.

Now, go do your homework!

My New Old Stomping Grounds, A.K.A. French Bean's Tour of Dijon

Okay. I'm finally set up computer-wise!

*cheers and applause*

A lot of events happened during my tumultuous first week back in Dijon (some of which may or may not work into a future post sometime soon), and, frankly, I don't know where to start!

So, I'll do something a bit easy: what better way to come back to the blogging world than by showing y'all my new old town? ^.^

Lac Kir

Well, if you've been paying attention, you probably saw the photograph I put up of a fake beach with geese on it. The "beach" in question is actually a lake called Lac Kir...

...a public park named after Chanoine Félix Kir, a man the Dijonnais greatly admire. The memorial they have for him overlooks the wonderful hills!

The Dijonnais (and yours truly) love to take strolls around it on quiet Sundays.

As for the fake beach? Since Dijon is pretty much land-locked, "Dijon Plage" allows those who do not travel during the summer the opportunity to sunbathe in their bathing suits as if they were on a real beach.

(Coming from Miami, though, even I have to admit that Dijon Plage is a poor substitute for the real thing...and Miami Beach considerably geese-less, to boot.)

The Next stop on my tour of Dijon is, coincidentally, another park!

Square Darcy

As you walk through the gates of the park's entrance, you are immediately greeted by a large white Polar Bear statue. The guy who designed it was called (feel free to chuckle a bit) Pompon.

Square Darcy has a sweeping view of a large water fountain and trees which provide plenty of shade. There is even a play area for little French children.

Unfortunately, Square Darcy also evokes lots of memories about the Loser Ex-Boyfriend...

Erm, I think Pompon's bear is hungry. We'd better get a move on!



As we exit the park, we have a lovely view of all the traffic that is now plaguing Dijon's streets. In 2013, Dijon will install, for the third time in its history, a Tramway system.




This means that the normal bumper-to-bumper traffic has now become slower than the snails eaten in la Bourgogne.


Porte Guillaume

Also known as the Arc de Triomphe, la Porte Guillaume is the *official* entrance to Dijon's Rue de la Liberté (Liberty Street). This street marks the date the Dijonnais were liberated by the First French Army back on September 11th, 1944.




La Porte Guillaume also attracts several of Dijon's most notable feature: the Divia buses!



Cathédrale de St-Bénigne

Just before we take a walk down Liberty Street, we shall make a right turn and head straight to the varnished-tile covered cathedral!

Varnished-tile roofs are typical of la Bourgogne architecture, by the way. The tiles have to be replaced every 300 years.

Now let's go inside to admire the magnificent organ...

Ooooooh...

Rue de la Liberté

On a rather rare occasion, we enter Liberty Street to see that Burgundy's flags are held aloft and waving!

There are several shops lining this street.

Such as Mulot & Petitjean.


This is where the famous (at least in Dijon) pain d'epices and nonnettes are fabricated! They are just edible bits of culinary heaven...

And the window display is cute to boot!

Other stores include Galeries Lafayette (France's Macy's)...

A shop dedicated to Maille mustard...

...even a McDonald's. The damned burgers are truly everywhere.

Square François Rude

Here is one of my favorite spots in Dijon's Centre Ville. The building with red stripes, in the colombage style, is actually a restaurant. Mom and I ate there last year.

The public square also has a carrousel for the kiddies.

And a fountain with a statue of a mighty naked guy surveying the kids as they ride the carrousel.

(Well, he's supposed to be crushing grapes with his feet, but I think he needs a little more garment to cover his person.)

Notre Dame de Dijon and La Chouette

What fascinates me about this church is that it has a couple significant objects that pertain to the town's culture.

First, there is the Jacquemart, a clock-statue that was stolen from the Belgians in 1382.

There are also the gargoyles.

And, most notably, the Chouette, the owlet, which is also the symbol of Dijon.



This is not the actual Chouette; these are the signs and triangles which point you in the direction of famous places to visit should you want to do a self-tour.

You can usually determine where the exact location of the Chouette is based on the small group of people who seem to be inexplicably crowding at the side of Notre Dame.

It may not look like much, but by Dijonnaise tradition, the Chouette will grant you a wish if you stroke it with your left hand. It has to be the LEFT hand because it is the one closer to your heart. I always ask for love, whether it will come from a friend, a relative or even a complete stranger. ^.^

Palais des Ducs

As a final stop on this tour (I'm tired already), we will briefly glance at the former residence of Burgundy's dukes.

A bunch of drunk students! Ooh. Ahh.

I also decided to take the "Do You Hear Well?" test. Ever since I stepped on French soil, I think I've had a problem with my ears. Like, I just have a hard time understanding words and sounds. I figured that it was for my benefit...

Question 1: "Do you often make people repeat what they say to you?"

Yes.

Question 2: "Do you often raise the volume on your T.V.?"

Yes...

Question 3: "Do you have to concentrate to follow a multiple-person conversation?"

Um, yes. I do. o_O

Conclusion: Either I have a hearing problem, or I speak French as a second language.

Barb the French Bean

As Seen in Dijon

Once I get properly set up (computer-wise), I promise to write longer posts...but I just thought that I would share a lovely image from a walk I took on Sunday.

Yes, those are indeed geese on a fake beach.

I love Dijon.

Barb the French Bean