Coming Soon To a Theater Near You...

(No, it's unfortunately not French Bean's Grand Adventures in Dijon. )


One thing that has amused me ever since I lived in France is how the French consider English to be a chic, foreign language. To them, things just sound and look cooler in English than in their native tongue. However, that does not mean that the French automatically know how to use this language correctly...


Don't get me wrong. I am very well-aware of how some French words are misused in English just to present a slightly more elegant touch to things: à la mode for brownies with ice cream, à la carte when you look at a restaurant's menu, ménage à trois for a kinky threesome. (In case you were wondering, ménage à trois translates more as "love triangle" for a Francophone.)



Still, I've suffered for my mother tongue over here. I've had to become accustomed to stop cringing at the mere sight of the French attempts to anglicize English words by adding an unnecessary possessive apostrophe S. I purposely avoid McDonald's to not catch a glimpse of the phrase "Maxi Best Of" on the menu. And don't get me started on George Clooney and his Nespresso "What Else?" campaign...



I've even resigned myself to just accept the stupid Quick Burger posters that annoyingly use English words with an asterisk and then, in smaller script, translate said words back into French.


Like so:

Apparently, in the 1980s, there was a law passed that by politicians fearing the encroaching menace of foreign vocabulary corrupting the beautiful French language and as a method of fighting off this evil scrouge, businesses have to comply with this law and translate ANY non-French words into French.

Fine. I can accept that.

I have seen some exceptions to this law, though. Two words that come to mind are "brushing" and "re-looking." Now, these words clearly sound and look English, but I assure you, THEY ARE NOT. Rather, their meanings are far from being correct English and the French are often surprised to learn that said words aren't really real English.

Brushing: French noun. The expensive process of a French hairdresser styling someone's hair using a hair-dryer, a ceramic iron, a nuclear warhead, etc.

In other words, it means getting your hair did at a beauty parlor. This is a far cry from the gerund which means to brush one's own locks.

I really shocked the kind hairdresser who altered my 'do last week when I educated her on the proper meaning of "brushing."

By the way, here's the result:

Re-looking: French noun. A trip to a beauty institute in which you are advised/taught how to completely change your wardrobe, hairstyle, the way you put on make-up. Does not involve plastic surgery. After the session is over, you sometimes end up looking worse than what you did in the first place.

Regular proper English term: a make-over.

Fine. I grudgingly accept that common English words in French have nothing to do with the correct meaning. The same thing happens to the French language across the pond.

I have even, with teeth clenched and veins dangerously pulsating across my temples, ceased to complain about the stupid choices to change a movie's original title into something else. Rather, if you absolutely must alter a foreign film's title, at least translate it into your native tongue! For example, The Hangover's French title is Very Bad Trip, which suggests that the protagonists either had an unfortunate odyssey or went a little overboard with their use of hallucinogen drugs.

Okay. FINE. I acknowledge that English speakers changed the Edith Piaf film La Môme to La Vie En Rose for U.S. audiences. At least the American title alludes to her most famous song.

But THIS really just takes the cake:

Sex Friends.

SEX. FRIENDS.

Seriously?! "Sex Friends?" What native English speaker is going to watch a film that is bluntly titled "Sex Friends?" There is no way that title would be on a regular American movie poster back in the States (unless it was perhaps a porno). A quick search on the internet reveals that the proper title is No Strings Attached. I still think that sounds far more palatable than, say, if the French were to just call it Le Plan Cul.

This movie title is clearly a victim of the French concept that English is a cool language and, therefore, movies that are titled in English are just so infinitely awesome.

Okay. Rant over. I still love the French language even if I sometimes wish I could discipline it like the badly-behaved child it is. I just have to take the Franglais as she is spoke.

On a different note, I apologize in advance if I don't post as often as I normally would these next few weeks. I am very occupied trying to get all my shit together to find another job here in France plus to apply to as many universities as possible. The real world sometimes beckons for me to join it...

Barb the French Bean