Pickled Pineapple

So far in my quest to lose 40 kilos (88 pounds) be hotter than Shakira, my mother has all too eagerly offered me another one of her dieting gems. Her latest suggestion to aid me in the process of burning weight is to eat a piece of pineapple soaked in vinegar.

Yes. You read that correctly.

This advice comes from one of her co-workers. As she reasoned, pineapple has diurectic properties and vinegar impedes fat from building in your body.

I don't know how true that is, or where the scientific proof is to back her claims, but I can tell you that if pickled pineapple doesn't kill your appetite, NOTHING will.

This isn't the first time my dear mother has encouraged me to try some crazy dieting sh*t. I remember that when I was younger, she made me imbibe a concoction of boiled orange zest right before lunchtime. It was supposed to help me burn fat. All I recall from it was a pungent bitter taste that comes from unsugared orange peel. This lasted for a good three months or so.

Why would she impose something so ridiculous on me? Because she saw it during a morning talk show and thought it was a good idea.

Lunch, however, was still served in ridiculously large portions. Orange zest water could not possibly shield my body from that.

I'm older now. I prepare my own meals. I control what I eat.

So why would I still try the pickled pineapple? Partly because I'm desperate to try anything, but mostly to stop her from nagging me every day with the question "did you eat some pineapple today?"

Yes, Mother, I've eaten the pineapple. Now please lay off of me. I need to quit killing my poor taste buds.

Barb the French Bean