Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Study of Regret

We've all been there. That moment where you do something thinking it was the right thing to do, but after a few weeks, months, or a year realize that it was a bad choice and regret takes over. For some it only takes weeks, but for others it takes months.

I've witnessed this a million times not just from myself, but also with ex-lovers.

I know, I know I seem to bring them up quite often in posts, but with my experiences, I've become quite an expert.

Case #1 The First Idiot

(A face only a mother would love).

The first person I ever kissed and this idiot never gave me a reason for the break-up. I cry for a few months, lose weight and go back to school looking hot. The idiot wants to be friends, we "are" on my forward to like 5-6 years later, I add him on Facebook and randomly get a message from him telling me how very sorry he was for what he had done to me and yada yada yada...

Regret? Yes. He very much regretted what he had done to me and he also realized what he lost when he saw me looking hot during our school years.

Case #2 The Cheating Bastard

(I didn't know the circus was here!)

This must have been one of my most pathetic relationships yet. We lasted for a bit until I found out he was cheating (hence, the title). I confronted him and pushed him out of my life. About a month later I received a message from him saying how horrible and guilty he felt and yadda yadda yadda...

Regret? Yes. He felt so depressed about what he had done that he started to have a few psychological problems here and there...

Case #3 First Love Gone Bad

(This picture just says "I totally do not look like a rapist serial killer").

This man-child is by far one of the worst. My longest relationship...The first time he broke it off with me, he would not stop calling me, texting me, messaging me...made it all so hard to move on. Finally, he comes back, but he ends up breaking it off again.

Regret? The first time he regretted doing what he had done to me (proved it through messages, calls...etc.) The second time it is not for sure if he regrets it or not, but by the way he avoids me every time he sees me it looks like he is regretting it.

Case #4 The Kind Hearted Ass

(Ugh. No comment.)

This one is by far one of the most confusing relationships ever. This man clearly doesn't know what he wants (other than getting into my pants). This one was like dating two people at once. He was great and amazing one day and the next he would convert into an asshole. We would spend great days together and then he would somehow sabotage it by being an ass. Even though he was an asshole, I know he has a kind heart hidden somewhere... (and I don't say that about anyone...not even my past ex-boyfriends), but this one was more of an emotional issue with him.

Regret? Too recent to know of any regrets. The light bulb in his head will turn on and he will most probably realize how good he had it with me. However, he will most likely not admit it and if there is no regret? at least I learned something valuable.

People always have some regret whether it deals with another person or a choice made. True, we can learn from regret, but sometimes we just seem to make the same mistakes (just look at all four of my ex-boyfriends....and let me not get into the friends with benefits craziness).

Hanny the coffee bean

Monday, August 29, 2011

Bridezilla 2!!!

Yesterday, the church bells rang for blogger extraordinaire Tricia over at Confessions of a Recovering Cynic.

I figured that, like any desperate bride, she had to battle the inner Bridezilla that was raging to escape.

My congratulations to her, hubby Mark and Gabby the kitty!

Mazel Tov,

Barb the French Bean

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Brain Anatomy of a Man-Child

NOTE: Male readers, I am not calling anyone a man child, so no need to get offended. Take this as a debate if you must.

A few weeks ago, I experienced what I would like to call a ridiculous break-up. If you have been reading my posts from day one, then you probably already know that I have gone over the past year or so through two break-ups and a so called rebound. Not very proud of that.

When the break-up occurred, I was left distraught and felt like I was stuck in some vicious cycle. I blamed myself for hours, but in the end I came to the conclusion that it was absolutely NOT me.

I'll explain my conclusion in a later post, but for the past few days, my tiny brain developed an idea. What if I could write a comedy about my life? What if I could share all my bad experiences in a way that will make others laugh? Of course, bad experiences aren't a laughing matter, but it's better than being depressed, right?

So the idea of writing a book came to be. Though, I will be sharing some of my experiences here (like I always do). Hence, the title of this post.

The Brain Anatomy of a Man-Child.

I came up with this idea when I started to ponder upon what goes on in all of my exes heads and why is it that when they have someone good they let it go? and yes I do consider myself someone good (without trying to sound conceited). Then of course I realized that many of them have all been a Man-Child.

The Man-Child as defined by Urban Dictionary is

1) a grown man who is very immature, therefore considered a man child.

2) A man by age but a child in mentality and actions. Can't have fun without a beer; oftentimes brews his own beer. Still relate to women as sex objects (even in their marriage) and are emotionally undeveloped (e.g., fight for their rights mentality even if there is nothing worth fighting; rarely takes responsibility for own failings). A general irritant to women and men that have matured.

3)A full grown man, over the age of 20, who still needs to be supported financially or emotionally by his parents. May or may not live at home with parents, but needs consistent reassuring. Is unable to have healthy relationships with women because of childish behavior, but is in desperate need of someone. May or maynot be a fanboy or gamer.

Keep in mind, you can't believe everything Urban Dictionary says, especially when it comes to my name, but this all sounds about right.

Now that a Man-Child has been defined, I think it is time to look at the brain anatomy of a Man-Child.

Let me just say that this is NOT referring to a man, but a Man-Child.

The Man-Child brain:

Sex (all the fun none of the responsibilities): Everyone thinks about sex (yes, even women), but what makes the man-child so different from a man is that the man-child could care less about the other person. The man-child likes one night stands and easy women. If the man-child is in a relationship, he will not give anything to the other person except a late night call to see if he can have his way with his so called "partner." A man at least puts the effort (calling everyday, flowers here and there, supporting the other person, holding hands, etc...) not the man-child. Sometimes the man-child will also try to pressure his "partner" to give in to him.

Video games, beer, strippers, and porn: No there is nothing wrong with anything I just listed in the category, but when it comes to the man-child, these are the only things he really cares about. Rather than making a future for himself or giving his life some sort of purpose (like using his hidden talents), he rather spend day in and day out sitting in front of his computer obsessing over porn, sitting in front of the tv playing video games all the time, sitting in front of the tv with a good beer in hand or sitting in front of strippers. A man will like these things too, but it isn't his priority.

Lies, lies and the usual cover ups: Everyone lies once in a while, but the man-child will bull shit alot. The man-child will give you a bunch of useless information trying to show his intelligence, but manipulates this situation to add something that isn't real. The man-child will also tell stories and if the stories do not make sense, you know it's a lie of some sort.

Emotional insecurity: The man-child is full of insecurities, but emotional insecurities is one that comes to light. Everyone gets hurt emotionally at some point and we tend to grow from it, but a man-child will hold on to the past hurts and does not let go or move on from it. Therefore, every relationship that he has with women is an unhealthy, self destructive, and selfish relationship. The man-child is also stubborn enough to not admit when he is wrong in certain situations. This also applies to whenever something goes wrong in his life, he takes these things as attacks rather than to have patience and deal with it like mature men do.

Future: The man-child's future is displayed as being one of the smallest in the brain along with a healthy relationship with a woman and intelligence. The man-child is intelligent, but because his priority's are other destructive things, the man-child cannot put his natural skills and talents to good use, which leads him to self-pity (self-loathe as well) and depression. Thus causing him to experience a lack of healthy relationships and a none ending vicious cycle (unless he offs himself or grows five other pairs of balls).

There is so much more to a Man-Child, but it would take a weeks worth of writing to explain this complicated type of man. Just know not all men are alike, just the ones in the man-child category.

Hanny the coffee bean

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Why Good Beer Should Never Be Wasted

As based on a true story.

Let me answer that question: EWWWWWWW!!!

Barb the French Bean

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Twilight Saturday

I have come to the conclusion that jinxed. Every week something has to just go wrong or worse turn into another episode of The Twilight Zone (no not the one with the shiny vampires). A few weeks back, I thought it would finally be a normal week for me, but I guess entering the "Twilight Zone" is now an every week thing in my life.

Saturday was supposed to be just another day where I would go to work, come home, chat with the roommates and figure out what to do...Well I got that wrong.

When I went to work, my managers had told me that I would be working in the men's department instead of my usual kid's department. If I haven't mentioned it before I work at a really AWESOME store called I don't want paparazzi's so I'm not telling you.

As usual, I went to get my lunch at the food court because I tend to forget my lunch. So I ended up getting a nice, delicious wrap from Chicken NOW.

Five minutes into my wrap and there it was the hideous little critter hiding in my food, but what's wasn't just one....but TWO (not shown in picture).

After throwing away the disgusting wrap, I went back to work to a department full of people. Since it was raining outside, people had swarmed into the store like bees in a hive. By the time I clocked out of work, it was still raining.

I finally ended up going home and sat right in front of the computer, but as I sat there alone I started to hear noises. Pounding, scratching, voices...I thought I was going insane so I took off with my computer and went to Starbucks.

I sat down at one of the Starbucks table and wondered what my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) was doing. I tried to concentrate on what I was doing, but the more I just thought of the boyfriend, the more I had realized that I was becoming a bit crazy over him. To ease my thoughts, I went back home to see if my roommates were home.

I walked through the door and I heard someone screaming, I went outside to see if my roommate's car was there, but there was no roommates car. I left the apartment before the screaming people would come out to get me.

I was headed for the computer lab, but before i could get into the room, I had a group of guys hitting on me.

"Hey. Hey girlllllll, why aren't you talking to me?"

"Hi..." "Come talk to me. You know you want to."


"I can be your transformer!"

That was the last thing I heard before I got into the room.

Eventually, I went back home to find my roommates there and found out that the screaming was coming from my roommates room, who was watching a horror movie. Only I would think they were real.

Welcome to my crazy world....

Hanny the Coffee Bean