Pigs and Turds

Earlier today, on my way home from work, I went into a trail of thoughts. As many probably know, I am single and have been for the past 2-3 months now. So unfortunately, my mind went into thought of the disgrace of a man I decided to date, but then I started to think about the blog and the way it was started.

When Barb and I decided to start Two Beans or Not Two Beans, we were both going through a heart break caused by despicable, immature, heartless men. It was a time that in some way was a major turning point in our lives; I struggled with my studies, while she struggled with the heartbreak of leaving France.

Though we both went through very painful events, I came to realize that if it were not for our simultaneous heart breaking experiences, Two Beans or Not Two Beans would have probably never existed.

What does this mean? it means I might have never had the opportunity to express my creativity or in any case cheer someone up who is stuck at work with a stick up their ass boss.

If my break-up would have never happened, I would have never gained the experience and the knowledge I obtained from Two Beans or Not Two Beans. I would have probably never discovered how many ideas could come from just a heart break and if I might just add I believe it also made me closer to Barb.

The reason I bring this up is because many a times a person does not realize why painful moments in our lives happen, but there is always a reason for it.

Right now, my current break up left me distressed because in all honesty I admired this man. I thought highly of this man and foremost I appreciated this man, but again there is always a reason for why things happen as they do.

As I kept thinking about this, I started to notice something. This break-up only motivates me to write. I have come up with several ideas; from writing a witty book that bashes the man-child, writing a play or sitcom based on my dramatic, yet quite comical love life to creating a site named 'Dear miss H' where any heart broken soul (or anyone in need of advice) can ask me for advice.

Now I know, I know- what makes me think I can give advice? trust me, I may not follow my own advice sometimes (which I should), but I tend to use my psychology background for my advises plus I might actually add a feature where you get to choose what kind of response you want: serious or humorous.

As for the witty book bashing all men-children, I think I've dated enough of those to know exactly what I'm talking about and the play/sitcom would be dying out loud hilarious, especially if its based on my love life- fo' sho.

Of course, my wounds are still there, but hell who knows maybe my life will turn out a lot like the movie 'Somethings Gotta Give' or so I hope.

Hanny the coffee bean

The Study of Regret

We've all been there. That moment where you do something thinking it was the right thing to do, but after a few weeks, months, or a year realize that it was a bad choice and regret takes over. For some it only takes weeks, but for others it takes months.

I've witnessed this a million times not just from myself, but also with ex-lovers.

I know, I know I seem to bring them up quite often in posts, but with my experiences, I've become quite an expert.

Case #1 The First Idiot

(A face only a mother would love).

The first person I ever kissed and this idiot never gave me a reason for the break-up. I cry for a few months, lose weight and go back to school looking hot. The idiot wants to be friends, we "are" on my terms.....fast forward to like 5-6 years later, I add him on Facebook and randomly get a message from him telling me how very sorry he was for what he had done to me and yada yada yada...

Regret? Yes. He very much regretted what he had done to me and he also realized what he lost when he saw me looking hot during our school years.

Case #2 The Cheating Bastard

(I didn't know the circus was here!)

This must have been one of my most pathetic relationships yet. We lasted for a bit until I found out he was cheating (hence, the title). I confronted him and pushed him out of my life. About a month later I received a message from him saying how horrible and guilty he felt and yadda yadda yadda...

Regret? Yes. He felt so depressed about what he had done that he started to have a few psychological problems here and there...

Case #3 First Love Gone Bad

(This picture just says "I totally do not look like a rapist serial killer").

This man-child is by far one of the worst. My longest relationship...The first time he broke it off with me, he would not stop calling me, texting me, messaging me...made it all so hard to move on. Finally, he comes back, but he ends up breaking it off again.

Regret? The first time he regretted doing what he had done to me (proved it through messages, calls...etc.) The second time it is not for sure if he regrets it or not, but by the way he avoids me every time he sees me it looks like he is regretting it.

Case #4 The Kind Hearted Ass

(Ugh. No comment.)

This one is by far one of the most confusing relationships ever. This man clearly doesn't know what he wants (other than getting into my pants). This one was like dating two people at once. He was great and amazing one day and the next he would convert into an asshole. We would spend great days together and then he would somehow sabotage it by being an ass. Even though he was an asshole, I know he has a kind heart hidden somewhere... (and I don't say that about anyone...not even my past ex-boyfriends), but this one was more of an emotional issue with him.

Regret? Too recent to know of any regrets. The light bulb in his head will turn on and he will most probably realize how good he had it with me. However, he will most likely not admit it and if there is no regret? at least I learned something valuable.


People always have some regret whether it deals with another person or a choice made. True, we can learn from regret, but sometimes we just seem to make the same mistakes (just look at all four of my ex-boyfriends....and let me not get into the friends with benefits craziness).

Hanny the coffee bean