Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Asshole Phenomenon

The other day, I had posted a rather amusing Facebook status. As my friends commented on my status, one of them mentioned the asshole phenomenon.

The asshole phenomenon is when a guy (or girl) acts like an asshole and attracts women (or men) that believe they can change the so called asshole (well it's usually like that).

I will admit that this phenomenon does work on people and no matter how much I hate assholes, I have fallen prey to the asshole phenomenon...

(And have also used it).

What is it about the much hated assholes that lure nice, innocent people to them? Could it be their looks? cars? money?

The answer is NO.

It is all about the attitude that the asshole (or bitch) has towards others. Using a few movie trailers, I will demonstrate this so called attitude.

The Jerk Theory

I have not seen this movie at all, but the trailer explains it all.

As demonstrated in this trailer, the guy is a nice guy, but because he kept getting jerked around, he decides to put the "jerk theory" to the test. So he acts distant, treats the girls like crap, and tells them straight out how annoying they can be. His result? These women want him.

Of course there is that one girl, who will not tolerate the jerk because in fact she has dealt with many jerks before. So at some point we all either deal with them or date them.

Just Friends

This was a very good movie to watch. In the movie, the guy (who is chubby and goofy) has a crush on his best friend from high school, but she only sees him as a friend. Mocked by everyone in school, he runs away and about a few years later ends up going back to his hometown for Christmas.

The guy ends up being successful, charming, handsome and a womanizing ass. He charms his way with women and just uses them. Eventually he ends up seeing his old best friend crush and feelings resurface. Sure enough he ends up turning good just for her (because she wouldn't put up with jerks either).

Did being an ass work with other woman? Yes. He succeeded (just not with the main girl).

In both trailers, there is a nice guy who turns into a womanizing asshole over a girl and only changes when he realizes that the main girl will not allow it. What's not shown, however, is the attitude that attracts women to them. The attitude I'm talking about is confidence.

I'm aware that some nice guys have confidence, but those nice guys are the ones that are usually taken by lucky women. The other nice guys lack self confidence or the courage to pursue a girl. However, in the case of an asshole, he cares about himself so much that rejection is not in his vocabulary. He is confident that he can get any woman he wants.

The only problem with this is that the asshole cares so much about himself, that he could care less about the other person.

I should know, I've done it all before. Of course, I would be known as a bitch rather than an asshole, but the same rules seem to apply.

My Bitch Days

To understand the asshole phenomenon, I decided to use my days of being a bitch as an example.

The colder I was and the less I cared the more men wanted my attention.

I would use them and then dispose of them...

I even had a "friend" follow me into the girl's bathroom out of fear of losing me.

I didn't put any effort in my relationships.

I would argue with them for no reason (a way of pushing them away, I guess).

Everything had to be my way, no compromise and I had a set of rules men had to abide by.

I was nice some days and bad all the other days (Kind of like a push-pull method)

During my bitch days, I had men that wanted to change me, to be more open and less cold.

What changed?

As time passed, the person that tried so ardently to change me, and stuck around even when I was the biggest bitch imaginable became my first love.

I had fallen in love (plus I also matured).

It is not always like that, though. Mostly, a lot of the men I seem to know, only turn into assholes when they feel like they were shitted on in life and hurt by their first love. Not that many will have this reaction, but some take it hard.

This, however, does not mean that anyone should try to change an asshole (bitch) because at the end of the day it is up to them, if they want to change or not. Even then, people do not seem to understand this and trust me, it has taken me to learn the hard way that they can NOT be changed.

Some guys do use the asshole method to get women, but what men (and some women) do not realize is that it has nothing to do with being an asshole (though some do seem to like mistreatment), it is all about the attitude. It is about the confidence a man has about himself, the fact that he could care less about being rejected, and not only that, there is also that attitude that says "I AM THE MAN." (Plus, people seem to like changing others).

At least that is what I seem to like about assholes. If some nice guys adapted this confident attitude and balanced it out a bit more (not too nice, but not an asshole), they would have women liking them for them not because the women want to change the guy.

There are many reasons why the asshole phenomenon takes place, but explaining the reasons would take forever. Plus, I know I would explode into a million other topics and next thing you'll know I'll probably go back to talking about the man-child all over again.

- Hanny the coffee bean


  1. Perhaps what the Asshole needed was some respect from the first person who had harmed him. Either way, purposefully using then discarding people to your benefit causes a psychological strain on the person who receives the ill-treatment.

    Oh, and please don't revert back to your "bitch" days, hon. You are much too good to do that!

    Good post, Hanny.

  2. I believe it is also known as the 'Mr Darcy Effect'

  3. Ah I never even thought of that, but yes you are right Mr Darcy was a bit of an asshole. Yet again it is later found that he is rather a kind soul...haha I love Mr. Darcy :p


  4. Hahaha so funny, in this life one can come across with some weird persons.


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