Sunday, December 4, 2011

Dear Holland: You're Lucky I'm NOT the Minister of Transport

One morning, I woke up to a very special job offer. I decided to accept it and to tell Coffee Bean the good news about my position.

"Well, it looks like I'm the new Minister of Transport for Holland."

"What?! How did that happen?"

"Invader Stu declared himself King of Holland and asked me to be the Minister of Transport."

Hey, anything is possible on the internet, people.

Amid my euphoria of finally having ended my unemployment demise, I began to declare to Coffee Bean all of the wonderful transportation reforms that would be bestowed upon Holland, a country in which I have never even set foot. Seeing as how I am now a politician, I only deem it necessary to pass an obligatory-reform-that-only-serves-to-inconvenience-daily-life, something which members of government excel in doing.

I even have a pathetically good reason to explain such a change: it would reduce bike pollution and bring down the cost of having to fish them out from canals when the locals toss them in the water.

A billion internet points if you can figure out which post Happy Cloud is from.

Cue maniacal laugh

Be sure to head on over to Invading Holland and check out Invader Stu's accident-prone antics as he discovers and learns about the Dutch way of life. You'll wonder why he hasn't been crowned King yet (it might have something to do with his Speculoos addiction).

Barb the French Bean


  1. Pretend? Pretend? Does Coffee Bean think the work of government is pretend? Does Coffee Bean think running a country and making sure all it's people are happy is pretend? Has Coffee Bean ever run a country her self?!

    Anyway, one a small side note. I have a little constructive feedback which I'm just going to blue sky here. I hope you'll take it on board. I don't think we really want to take away the Dutch people's bikes.

  2. Thank you for your feedback, King Stuart.

    Upon further retrospective consideration, I will have to reexamine the progressive removal of bicycles from Dutch society under the Holland 305 Project. Seeing as how I am now a politician, I only deemed it necessary to pass an obligatory-reform-that-only-serves-to-incovenience-daily-life, something which members of government excel in doing.

    I even had a pathetically good reason to explain such a change: it would reduce bike pollution and bring down the cost of having to fish them out from canals.

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  4. Will Smith: I totally love when you starred in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on TV! It makes me glad that celebrities like you support such an international change as this project. Your suggestion of using rental cars would help ease a goal of the Holland 305 Project.

    Now, is there some way the Dutch can rent the cars in Australia and have them transported across the world to their country? Can it be done via the internet? Because, after all, anything can happen on the internet! :D

  5. I was going, "YES! YEP. UH HUH." through the whole post. Not because of taking over Holland, or whatever, but because this is Miami transport. It sucks.

    Whenever I go to other cities and see buses and trains an stuff, it's like seeing a double rainbow.


  6. We have WAY too many bikers in Minnesota. And bus lanes. And often the bikers end up squished beneath the buses.

  7. Invader_stu: I dont think the people running the government is pretend, I think french bean being the minister of transport is pretend. Of course I ran my own country, I was the queen of narnia.

    coffee bean

  8. Lorraine: I know, right? It's as if Miami were a black hole when it comes to public transportation. XD

    Tricia: Ouch. We don't seem to have that problem (considering no one bikes in Miami to begin with).

    Coffee Bean: Geez Louise! You never told me you killed Aslan! :O

  9. Oh dear... Barb remind me not to make you Transport Minister of anywhere I decided to live!!! :p

  10. Going through the archives here (haven't read in a bit) and this is my comment:

    Your Dutch windmill reminds me of a Dalek.

  11. Crazy Cris: Oh, I think I'll spare you of any disasters that will be brought upon by the Holland 305 project, mostly because it is in Holland. :P

    Seilann: Hee, hee, hee...I was wondering if any Whovian would pick up on that. EXTERMINATE!


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb