I have always been told that each experience in our lives is just another learning lesson. As stubborn as I am, I would kick and scream stating that I had learned nothing except for the fact that men are scumbags.
Men are not scumbags.
I couldn't quite understand what lesson I was supposed to learn from each experience I had. What was I supposed to learn from a cheating partner? What was I supposed to learn from the pig heads I went on dates with? what was I supposed to learn from backstabbing friends? How about the time that I went on and off with a guy for 3 years of my life, where was the lesson in that? In my eyes, I saw no lesson, but just a bitterness growing within my heart.
My poor heart went through the following phases...
During those phases, I didn't quite comprehend what I needed to learn, until now...
I don't exactly know when it happened or why it happened, but at some point I started to see the reality of things and noticed that each experience was indeed a lesson to be learned.
*When my ex partner cheated on me, I learned that I had the strength to surpass that.
*When I went out with the pig heads, I learned what I was looking for in a guy.
*When my friends back stabbed me and abandoned me in my time of need, I learned not to expect too much of friends and choose wisely.
*When my 3 year ex bf came back and forth, I learned to grow with and without him.
Of course there were other lessons I learned on the way, but I didn't quite understand them as I do now. It seems that the older I'm getting the wiser I am getting (and for once my brain is actually working without the stubbornness interfering).
A while back, I had gone out with a man that suited me well. I had trusted him with myself after a while, thinking that our compatibility and the strange connection I felt with him would give us the healthy relationship I wanted.
But not even that could sustain it and I ended up with a broken heart.
I couldn't quite understand what lesson I was to learn from all this and as I continued hurting, I made the mistake of a drunken make out session with him. We eventually talked things out, but in the midst of it all he suggested Friends with Benefits.
That nailed it. In any other time of my life, I would have probably said yes, but by now knowing what it was like to be a FWB and getting crushed in the process was not something I was willing to try again. So I refused the idea and when I did, something within me changed and a realization came into light.
I valued myself too much to the point of putting myself into a friends with benefits with someone I had feelings for. If he didn't want to be with me, then why give him cake? he doesn't deserve cake especially coming from someone like me.
So what did I learn from all of this? How to value myself, how strong I really am, how I know that I deserve better than just a FWB, that I shouldn't let fear control the things I want in life, that I don't have to be perfect to make someone happy and foremost that I love myself just the way I am and that's good enough for ME.
As for guys, they aren't scumbags just confused and demented.
It took me a while to figure it all out, but in the end I'm glad that I came to learn from my experiences.
Hanny the coffee bean