An *Actual* Chicken Cartoon

I love it when I get into the cartooning mood and this morning, I woke up with a couple of crazy ideas for cartoons. Cartoons involving chickens.

But before I get to that, I'd like to present a little Two Beans Or Not Two Beans trivia factoid for you lovely readers: did you know that if Hanny the Coffee Bean hadn't had the brilliant idea of using Microsoft Paint, my blog posts wouldn't have had cartoons at all?

I'm not joking about that.

At the very dawn of founding our corner of the Internet, I expressed to Hanny that I wanted to have cartoons to explain my blog posts. Actual pen-and-ink drawings that I crafted with my own hand.

However, I fretted about it due to one minor technicality: I didn't own a scanner.

"How am I supposed to make cartoons if I can't scan them?!" I asked my partner-in-crime. "Do I draw them and then take pictures with my camera? Do you know how dumb that will look? I mean, who wants to see a picture of a drawing?"

"Just use Paint," Hanny coolly reasoned.

It's hard to believe, but until that painfully obvious suggestion came, I had not even considered making my cartoons using a computer. It was a foreign concept to me and a daunting one at that. Ditch paper and pencils for pixels and a keypad? Will I even be good at it?


Turns out that I don't do such a terrible job at it and I have since embraced being able to make full color cartoons in a few clicks without developing a severe, crippling cramp in my right hand.

Lately, though, I was at a loss for doing that. Even if I had an idea, no matter how insignificant it was, I couldn't be bothered to open Paint to make the cartoon. It wasn't until I woke up this morning when it hit me. Just for once, I'd actually like to make a cartoon by hand, not on Paint, as if I wanted to get back to my cartooning roots. It's just what felt right and realizing there are no paradigms to creativity is something that I have to constantly remind myself.

So, for the time-being, here is one of the dumb cartoons that popped into my mind. 

(Oh, by the way, even after so many years of living in a world filled with technological advances, I still don't own a scanner. In the end, I've taken a photo of a drawing, the very thing I avoided doing right from the origin of this little blog. Ha. Ha. HA.)

Sorry, son. You've been cock-blocked.

I'll admit that I wasn't trying hard to make an excellent cartoon. But I came to the realization that my artistic skills are a bit rusty, meaning they have totally deteriorated to a level which embarrasses me. Here are some drawings from my past so you can compare them to the simplistic chicken and rooster:

Sea turtle

Multi-tasking octopus. I remember that the word "multi-tasking" was very in vogue back in the day.

A lobster and a shrimp (prawn)

Even Atlanteans need a few arrows of love.

A Florida Marlin. Gotta root for the home team.

Clown fish with an anemone, circa post-"Finding Nemo"

Sea slugs that are clearly snails *head desk*

A Flamenco dancer to represent Spanish class...

...and a frog to represent French class. This was WAY before I realized I would one day live in France and come to utterly despise the whole frogs = France stereotype. 

This Killer Whale/Orca was my favorite of the cartoons. Probably because it was a bitch to color in all the dark areas and it gave me a sense of accomplishment after it ate up two ballpoint pens in the process. 

I did these drawings for my high school's nautical-themed yearbook when I was a Senior. I was seventeen. Turning into a responsible adult who can't even draw a below sub-standard chicken makes me want to tear my hair out.

Anyway, I did say I had ideas for chicken cartoons (plural). Whether or not I will express myself by sitting down and drawing them, or chicken out and rely on Paint once more, will be determined in the future. Rest assured, though, I will continue to make all the lovely, wonky pixelated illustrations you've grown to love.

Translation: that means that I'm too broke to buy coloring and art supplies, let alone a scanner.

Barb the French Bean

People Watching is Similar to Watching The Discovery Channel: Part One

If you have ever sat down observing the people around you, then you know you can learn a lot from them. Especially, since the actions of some people are quite humorous. In advance, let me just say that I am not trying to make fun or ridicule those who actually act like this, but you have to admit from the observers view, it is quite funny.

For those who are unaware, The Discovery Channel shows a range of informative shows. Back when I was younger (the old school Discovery Channel) they used to show animal documentaries, which you can now see in one of the Discovery Channels network called Animal Planet.

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Scene #1

Deep in the wilderness of the Orange grasslands (Mall in Florida), creatures of the wild (people) assemble around their prey (shopping stores) in hopes to fill their stomachs (car trunk) full of pabulum (clothes, accessories, etc..). These creatures are not to be startled as they might attack you, thinking you are prey. I cautiously sit in a corner camouflaged in my best gear to not attract attention and quietly I observe the creatures of the wild.

1) The Ferocious Panthera Onca (Jaguar)
A.K.A. the bitches that will rip your eyes out if you don't hand over the $40 Gucci bag they have been eyeing since they got there.

I observe the Ferocious Panthera as she moves graciously towards her prey, her eyes full of hunger. She gets closer to her prey, trying not to draw attention to herself. She's closing in on her target, but WAIT! What is THIS?!  Another creature is closing in on her target and...

The Ferocious Panthera strikes again and takes control. Leaving her enemy wounded and taking her prey in hand.


Scene #2

Making way into Savannah, Africa (the Florida park two minutes away from my apartment) I immediately hear braying. As I approach my destination, the braying becomes louder to my fragile ears. Slowly without making any harsh moves, I take my place at a nearby tree (bench) where I see the braying creatures.

2) Striped Equidae (Zebra)
A.K.A The male that will fuck you up if you touch his woman or even glace at her.

I examine the individuals that are screaming at the top of their lungs, both of the male species. A female stands amongst them, horror stamped on her face. As the males begin to fight, the female screeches, but the males continue their battle. It is not clear as to what they are fighting about, but noting the females stance and the tears running down her face, something tells me she had something to do with it.

As you can see, the wild (the world) is full of vicious creatures (people) that will tear each other apart (literally) to get what they want (a woman, a Gucci bag etc...). This has been quite an eventful and educational experience (laughing my head off at all the bastards), but for now I must end the journey here (unless you want to hear about the doughnut guy).

Thank you for watching The Discovery Channel (Now Animal Planet) / (Hanny TV).

-Hanny the coffee bean