Dear Dumb Ass Cupid,
Valentines day is coming soon and I still have no date. I know I said I hate Valentines day because I find it so commercialized and pink is just NOT my color, but how hard is it to get me a date? All you have to do is get one of your damn arrows and shoot it at some random cute guy (preferably my
obsession crush). If that doesn't work then you should try shoving those damn arrows up...Wait!...I KNOW for a fact that they do work, but are you blind?! You shot the wrong guys, you moron!
I mean wasn't it enough with the three lame excuses I call ex's?? and now you dare leave me alone for Valentines day?! How is it that half of everyone is getting married or getting in a relationship, and yet I am still here waiting for some dumb ass to make a move already? I am aware some have already made a move, but you hit the wrong freaking guys with your DAMN arrows...
Did you miss? do you have to go back to fairy school or where ever you came from?? no? Then why Cupid torture me in this way? Isn't it enough that every time i enter Walmart, Walgreens, Target or any of those damned stores, I see the walls oozing in pink colors and big bulging hearts? How about all the times I have to see girls tackling their boyfriends like maniacs, while I just walk the lonely dark halls of a disgustingly valentines decorated campus? Don't forget the commercials of all those men that give those
old hags ladies diamonds...Honestly cupid, where the hell is my cutie with my diamond and some heart shaped chocolates?? Hell I don't even need the diamond! give me the guy, the chocolates and I'll never complain about the guy I am with write another hate letter!
Now I hate to get rough with you Cupid, but I am giving you until Valentines day to send me a "date." If by that time I do not get a date...I will sabotage you. That's right...I will sabotage you. I will take that
diaper blanket piece of sheet to hang you with whatever the hell you wear and give you a bad wedgie! It will be so bad that you will want to use your arrows for death and not love.
I am your biggest fan, Cupid. I really really really am!
Die you piece of shit...die!
Hanny the coffee bean
(Stay tuned for Cupid's response...oh boy...)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Dear Dumb Ass Cupid,