Monday, February 14, 2011

This Is What I Do When I Am Bored

I tend to waste many, many hours of my precious life browsing the internet, but even that becomes tedious. The appeal of sitting in front of a lifeless computer screen eventually gets to me and I find myself searching for other means of passing the time.

If I do not make the crucial decision to actually change out of my pajamas and head out into the world, I will often limit my day to just taking photographs.

I captured this image while goofing off in front of the computer, ironically enough.

I am mesmerized with the fact that the staring wide-eyed girl with unkempt hair is actually me.

More often than not, I gaze upon my reflection in agony and scrutinize all of the imperfections that haunt my being. I do not have a flat stomach. My thighs have difficulty entering into most French trousers. I dislike my flabby upper arms and strategically hide them from sight with sleeves and cardigans.

The other day, I had an acquaintance ask me, with some surprise, "How is it possible that a very pretty girl such as yourself be single?"

All I could do was smile, shrug and say "I don't know."

But in my mind, I was very quick to criticize my body and place all the blame on it for being the reason as to why I am still single.

Yet I look back on my picture. For once, I regard my face and think that I actually do look nice. Dare I believe that I really am a pretty girl? I have to remember that the outer appearance is not all there is to me.

I am witty (if not a little sarcastic). I am caring. I love to read books. I love to take long walks in the park. I love going out for coffee with friends. I take pleasure in eating warm French bread with some butter on it. I love talking to others in a one-on-one scenario. I am quick to offer a sympathetic ear to a friend who needs one.

I love seeing rogue drops of rain glisten upon their leaf cradles after they have impishly fallen from the heavens. I love the miraculous imprint of a vanishing sunset.

When will I meet the man who can appreciate those aspects about me and will be more vividly alert to grasp all of the positive characteristics that I woefully neglect when blinded by my faults?

It certainly won't happen today. I am sure of that.

But it will happen. Someday. I just have to be patient and continue to grow and not be so self-critical.

So, the goldilocked flying diaper-boy can just stick his arrows up his behind. I'm off to work and I am facing a bus strike today. I've got other cats to whip, erm, bigger fish to fry!

Barb the French Bean


  1. "I tend to waste many, many hours of my precious life browsing the internet, but even that becomes tedious."

    I can relate! It's been really cold where I live lately and I find myself spending far too much time on the computer. I've been forcing myself to get out more and have a social life.

    As far as your comments about how you look, well, that pic of you is quite stunning. The older I get and through years of hard learned experience, I'm realizing the fiber of a persons character is more important than the good looks (a pretty face helps though, lol).

  2. You ARE a beautiful girl, Barb, inside and out! And you have an adorable figure.

    Women are way too hard on themselves. There are a zillion guys out there who would be LUCKY to be with you. Don't forget that. :)

  3. It's not a matter of you being good enough for them. It's a matter of *them* being good enough for *you.*

  4. Hello Bean (Barb?)

    You're too funny! I would clearly love to have some coffee with you sometime. But tell you what, I have to agree, when the right one comes along, it's because he knew you are catch right from the start! Believe that. Embrace that. Meanwhile, just keep on shopping!


  5. You are absolutely gorgeous. Shakira has got nothing on you.

  6. Yaaaaay for embracing yourself as you are and your growing satisfaction with yourself!!! That confidence will shine through and the right guy will come along and be mesmerized by it. :D

    ...and the twins help. XP

    I bet a student or two of yours probably finds you hot, by the way, if that helps build more confidence. ;)

  7. That's a very pretty girl in the mirror, and she sounds like an amazing person too....I am sure some lucky guy is gonna find you soon....

  8. one of the departments in my school had this posted on the mirrors in the bathroom today.
    MIRRORLESS MONDAY: The mirror only shows a small part of who you are. Focus more on what's inside. I realized how much we all need this reminder, especially the ladies. You're beautiful... inside and out. Believe it :)

  9. Bean, dare I say I think you are quite pretty? I mean, shit. I am not just saying that because I luff you, either.

    PS: I spend my time the same way you do. I think a lot of us do.

  10. Much thanks to you all! I really, really appreciate your vous aime!!!

    I'm quite intrigued by the idea of Mirrorless Monday, Etoile. I need to stop relying on what I see on such a deceptive surface.

    I hope Valentine's Day wasn't too bad for you all. Mine was so-so. Meh.

    But today is another day. One without a bus strike, I might add. :-)


  11. You are really pretty! I love your hair.
    Entertaining post :) I think I might come back fo more! xxx

  12. I can honestly relate to every word you said (apart from the bus strike lol).

    I actually got quite emotional while reading because that's exactly how I feel. When I get hurt by guys I look in the mirror and point out any little thing thats wrong about me, and overlook the beautiful qualities that I DO have on the inside (and on the outside too I would like to think lol) ...and men foolishly unappreciate!

    So you ARE beautiful! Genuinely you are...and as the comment by Zora said "It's not a matter of you being good enough for them. It's a matter of them being good enough for you." Totally agree with true. :-)



Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb