Monday, February 14, 2011

This Is What I Do When I Am Bored

I tend to waste many, many hours of my precious life browsing the internet, but even that becomes tedious. The appeal of sitting in front of a lifeless computer screen eventually gets to me and I find myself searching for other means of passing the time.

If I do not make the crucial decision to actually change out of my pajamas and head out into the world, I will often limit my day to just taking photographs.

I captured this image while goofing off in front of the computer, ironically enough.



I am mesmerized with the fact that the staring wide-eyed girl with unkempt hair is actually me.

More often than not, I gaze upon my reflection in agony and scrutinize all of the imperfections that haunt my being. I do not have a flat stomach. My thighs have difficulty entering into most French trousers. I dislike my flabby upper arms and strategically hide them from sight with sleeves and cardigans.

The other day, I had an acquaintance ask me, with some surprise, "How is it possible that a very pretty girl such as yourself be single?"

All I could do was smile, shrug and say "I don't know."

But in my mind, I was very quick to criticize my body and place all the blame on it for being the reason as to why I am still single.

Yet I look back on my picture. For once, I regard my face and think that I actually do look nice. Dare I believe that I really am a pretty girl? I have to remember that the outer appearance is not all there is to me.

I am witty (if not a little sarcastic). I am caring. I love to read books. I love to take long walks in the park. I love going out for coffee with friends. I take pleasure in eating warm French bread with some butter on it. I love talking to others in a one-on-one scenario. I am quick to offer a sympathetic ear to a friend who needs one.

I love seeing rogue drops of rain glisten upon their leaf cradles after they have impishly fallen from the heavens. I love the miraculous imprint of a vanishing sunset.

When will I meet the man who can appreciate those aspects about me and will be more vividly alert to grasp all of the positive characteristics that I woefully neglect when blinded by my faults?

It certainly won't happen today. I am sure of that.

But it will happen. Someday. I just have to be patient and continue to grow and not be so self-critical.

So, the goldilocked flying diaper-boy can just stick his arrows up his behind. I'm off to work and I am facing a bus strike today. I've got other cats to whip, erm, bigger fish to fry!


Barb the French Bean

12 comments:

  1. "I tend to waste many, many hours of my precious life browsing the internet, but even that becomes tedious."

    I can relate! It's been really cold where I live lately and I find myself spending far too much time on the computer. I've been forcing myself to get out more and have a social life.

    As far as your comments about how you look, well, that pic of you is quite stunning. The older I get and through years of hard learned experience, I'm realizing the fiber of a persons character is more important than the good looks (a pretty face helps though, lol).

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  2. You ARE a beautiful girl, Barb, inside and out! And you have an adorable figure.

    Women are way too hard on themselves. There are a zillion guys out there who would be LUCKY to be with you. Don't forget that. :)

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  3. It's not a matter of you being good enough for them. It's a matter of *them* being good enough for *you.*

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  4. Hello Bean (Barb?)

    You're too funny! I would clearly love to have some coffee with you sometime. But tell you what, I have to agree, when the right one comes along, it's because he knew you are catch right from the start! Believe that. Embrace that. Meanwhile, just keep on shopping!

    Cheers!

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  5. You are absolutely gorgeous. Shakira has got nothing on you.

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  6. Yaaaaay for embracing yourself as you are and your growing satisfaction with yourself!!! That confidence will shine through and the right guy will come along and be mesmerized by it. :D

    ...and the twins help. XP

    I bet a student or two of yours probably finds you hot, by the way, if that helps build more confidence. ;)

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  7. That's a very pretty girl in the mirror, and she sounds like an amazing person too....I am sure some lucky guy is gonna find you soon....

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  8. one of the departments in my school had this posted on the mirrors in the bathroom today.
    MIRRORLESS MONDAY: The mirror only shows a small part of who you are. Focus more on what's inside. I realized how much we all need this reminder, especially the ladies. You're beautiful... inside and out. Believe it :)

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  9. Bean, dare I say I think you are quite pretty? I mean, really....no shit. I am not just saying that because I luff you, either.

    PS: I spend my time the same way you do. I think a lot of us do.

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  10. Much thanks to you all! I really, really appreciate your comments...je vous aime!!!

    I'm quite intrigued by the idea of Mirrorless Monday, Etoile. I need to stop relying on what I see on such a deceptive surface.

    I hope Valentine's Day wasn't too bad for you all. Mine was so-so. Meh.

    But today is another day. One without a bus strike, I might add. :-)

    -Barb

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  11. You are really pretty! I love your hair.
    Entertaining post :) I think I might come back fo more! xxx

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  12. I can honestly relate to every word you said (apart from the bus strike lol).

    I actually got quite emotional while reading because that's exactly how I feel. When I get hurt by guys I look in the mirror and point out any little thing thats wrong about me, and overlook the beautiful qualities that I DO have on the inside (and on the outside too I would like to think lol) ...and men foolishly unappreciate!

    So you ARE beautiful! Genuinely you are...and as the comment by Zora said "It's not a matter of you being good enough for them. It's a matter of them being good enough for you." Totally agree with that...so true. :-)

    xxx

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Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb