Thursday, October 13, 2011

Halloween Kid Costumes = EPIC Pwnage

Since national Dress-Like-A-Slut Day is coming soon, I said to myself months before that if I managed to lose enough weight, I would dress myself in any costume that I wanted. I had contemplated such beauties as Candy Corn Witch and Hatsune Miku before deciding on the blue dress that Belle wears in the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast.

Well, months have passed and I haven't met my goal. I feel that dressing up as a thunder-thighed and bingo-winged version of the trim princess would be utterly ridiculous, too. Rather than skipping Halloween entirely, I will opt to wear this t-shirt with some black cat ears.

Image courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger's Lolmart

After I ordered the shirt, it suddenly hit me of how ironic it was that now, as an adult, I wanted to dress up as a princess when it never occurred to me to be one as a child. It was at that point which I started to remember how as a kid I just didn't care what my body looked like. Even though, as a second-grader, it was obvious that I weighed a little more than what I should have for my age and height, I still had not developed the self-consciousness of my body that comes from aging, puberty and bullying. My kid self relished being "me" and knew exactly what she wanted to dress up as because when you're a kid, you ARE your costume.

And I wanted to be Catwoman!

Yes, you read that correctly: Catwoman! Why such a costume? Because my 8-year-old self had recently watched Batman Returns on video cassette with Dad and concluded that a vengeful Selina Kyle was that best thing to have graced Gotham's streets. Despite being a villain, she was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted and she wasn't going to let anyone, not her murderous boss, not a Danny Devito Penguin, heck, not even Michael Keaton's Batman, deter her from it. (Plus, the scene in which she plays "tic-tac-toe" with the thief's face is just freakin' awesome.)

My poor parents. They never knew what was coming to them.

I remind you of the time frame: 1995. This was prior to my family owning a computer and taking advantage of using AOL dial-up connections and ordering things on Back in those days, if you wanted something, you had to drive in a car, go to a physical store and ask for a product. It couldn't just be done sitting on a chair in the comfort of your own home. I was asking for a costume that was roughly outdated by 3 years since the movie came out in 1992. I could only imagine the ordeal they went through to find that damn costume.

Alas, if it were only that simple. My poor mother had to contend with another factor:

One store eventually pulled through and I came home from school one day to try on my very own Catwoman costume. I remember that it felt like Christmas had come early that year.

It was very tight-fitting and the black ensemble went very well with my white sneakers and chubby tummy. It was painfully obvious that did not have the slim figure to actually look good in the disguise.

But you know what? I didn't care. I was Catwoman.

So, this Halloween, if you have kids come up to your door, give 'em the good chocolate. That's all they really want, anyway.

Barb the French Bean


  1. "i wanna be cat woman!" my quote of the day.

  2. Fabulous, my mom made me a Wonder Woman costume. Still my favorite.

  3. *blinks* Why do you have to be skinny to wear a costume you like? No one can be as skinny as Belle (or any of the Disney princesses). And last time I checked, you lost a ton of weight over the past year. Aaand no one would see your "thunder thighs" under a long skirt anyhow. So why not?

  4. LS: Maybe next year! :)

    Candice: Thanks!

    Flux: I think it's an important line to empower any woman!

    Shawn: Lucky! Mine made me a Cleopatra costume one year.

    Random Rambler: It's true that I did lose a ton of weight, but that was prior to returning to the Good Ol' U.S. of A. where the pounds have returned...:P

    The costume was to be an incentive for me, to reward myself for keeping my weight in check. However, you *do* make a good point about the costume and the long skirt. Hmmmm...

  5. That was hilarious!!! I loved the orange t-shirt. And for some reason, there is only a short window of time where you can really get away with 'frilly little princess' in your life. ;) I loved the cat woman sequence. At least you didn't say Princess Leah from Star Wars. :)

  6. @Barb
    *chants* Doooo it, dooo it, dooo it. :)

  7. Melody: As far as I known, I'm a princess in my head, ha! I just got the shipping confirmation for my shirt, so I'm psyched about it. :D

    Random Rambler: Hmmmmmm...

  8. @Barb
    To add onto my argument (which I love to do after the fact), if you're worried about your "bingo wings" (which I have never heard of), I'm pretty sure the sleeves on a Belle dress would cover them. And if you're still not comfortable with it, then you could always get a nice shawl or scarf to drape over your shoulders which you can then use with other outfits down the line. :)

  9. And this is why I'll never purchase a regulation costume (thrift store creations FTW...except that this usually means I end up wearing a lot of colors and trying to convince myself that I'm a hippie).

  10. Random Rambler: While you have indeed stated a good case (for which I thank you), I also have to contend with the fact that I've already purchased the cat ears and the orange t-shirt which arrived in the mail today. The dealbreaker in this matter is no longer my weight if not finances; if I were to dress up as Belle, I'd have to spend a little more money buying the fabrics to make the blue dress, the white sleeved shirt and the patterns to cut them out. :P Maybe next year...I happen to be blessed with friends who are actually very talented at sewing up their own clothes and costumes!

    A Little Girl: Nothing wrong with dressing up like a Hippie! ;)

  11. @Barb
    Oh well, can't do anything about lack of finances. Like you said, maybe next year. And you're welcome. :)

  12. Spectacular. I was fat Batman for a few years of my childhood. No, not for Halloween. For life.

  13. Um ... I always wanted to be Poison Ivy ... you just CANNOT find that costume back in the early / mid 90's. =(

    I finally made it come true -- and last year, I was FINALLY Catwoman but Adam Hughes' version.

    I posted it all on my new cosplay blog:

  14. Rob: I commend you for that.

    Janice: I'll be sure to check it out! :D

  15. Cat women dress is good for Halloween and girls are looking good too.


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb