Sunday, June 13, 2010

The 31st Day

My mind is in turmoil. I cannot sleep.

Today marks the 31st day since I left France and I wonder just how much longer I have to keep counting until I can go back.

If I can go back.

Every day, I think about the life I left behind. I relished in my satisfying job. I walked the safe streets of my neighborhood. I admired the tranquil lilting notes the morning ambassadors honored. I cherished every moment of my life. I forcefully abandoned the city where I truly felt happiness, the city where I felt myself come alive.

In leaving France, I fear that I have lost that peace. I simply must return. If not, I will go mad.

What will become of my life should my education prove insufficient in helping me achieve my goals? Have I taken the right path? Did I choose the correct answer?

The places that I visited will become distant memories. My friendships, the links of humanity, will erode as they are made brittle by oblivion and time.

And I think about him. Constantly. Endlessly. He who conquered my heart: will he become a mere memory that gently makes my lips smile when I remember what we once had? When that happens, where will I be? Where will he be?

Some things in life surpass my own finite understanding. I never know the reason why certain events had to happen until time passes.

But why must I wait? What is going on?

Barb the French Bean


  1. We have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I thought there was more, but that's all I got. Hope it helps.

  2. I'll take what I can get. And it does help ^.^ I just have to be patient and let each day come as it may.

    It also helps to spend the afternoon making Ninja Squirrel drawings.

    Merci beaucoup,



Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb