Friday, June 18, 2010

How To Get To Miami

Father's Day is coming soon, and I? I am nowhere near to my family to celebrate such a wonderful day. Though to be honest, I really just had nothing to do this weekend and thought it would be a perfect opportunity to visit Miami. My only problem is how I would get there...

I live four hours away from the City of Miami, and of course walking over there would just take me a year. I would use my car, if it were not for the fact that it is making noises, and I would use the bus I usually take, if it were not using this weekend to do maintenance on the bus.

I searched for other means of transportation; from limousines to door-to-door vans. I even checked other buses, but they were all much too expensive.
After many attempts at finding a good transportation, I started to imagine other ways to get to Miami.

The Flying wallpaper:

Do what Aladdin did and ride on a flying wallpaper. Of course, Aladdin used a carpet to ride around, but a wallpaper is just about the same though BETTER. See with the wallpaper, you will not get a rash or sneeze like you would with a carpet (unless of course you are allergic to the wallpaper). The best part is that you will never have to put gas on it, and you do not have to spend money on tolls.
Warning: The following risks may happen when using the flying wallpaper: you can get attacked by a big bird, an airplane may crash into you, heavy rains will flood the flying wallpaper making you fall to the ground, thunderstorm may hit you, alien abduction may also occur, and hunters may confuse you for a bird causing them to shoot you down.


Feeling a bit daring? then what better way to travel then by canon. It is easy, economical and best of all, you have someone to watch you go (how else will you start the canon).

Warning: Using the canon may cause dizziness, injuries, and may only last a few seconds. If not properly aimed, you may have head trauma from hitting the floor, you may drown if done by the ocean, and/or be videotaped by your friend, who will probably post it on youtube and make you look like the biggest idiot.

The Vulture:

Since we no longer have dinosaurs, why not use a vulture? The vulture will keep you safe. Best of all his wings will give you all the warmth you need during windy moments.

Warning: The vulture may stop to eat a carcass on the way to your destination. Also if you somehow fall and die, the vulture may or may not eat you. Please be aware of the risk of riding on an animal, such as getting a type of disease from them or getting fleas.

The Rainbow Express:

You don't have to be a leprechaun to get on a rainbow. Now there is the new Rainbow Express! All you have to do is capture a leprechaun, and "borrow" his pot of gold.
Capturing a leprechaun:
1. put a piece of gold in the middle of the street (please don't put it where there is a lot of traffic, you don't want to kill the leprechaun).
2. Do the old box and stick trap. Use the stick to stand the box up, and tie a rope to the stick.
3. wait patiently for the leprechaun to appear.
4. Once you see him, pull the string!
5. Tada! you have a leprechaun!
Once you have managed to "borrow" his pot of gold, go to the nearest place where the sun is brightly shining, set the pot down, and watch the rainbow come out. Once the rainbow is set, get on it, and enjoy the ride!

Warning: Using the rainbow express may get you in trouble with a whole bunch of leprechauns, who will probably stalk you down, and vanish you forever. Also know that hunting down a leprechaun may be dangerous, especially if that certain leprechaun has rabies. The Rainbow Express can be a risk since you will not know where the rainbow ends.

A Mob of Angry People:

The mob of angry people are so angry that they will throw just about anything at their target. If you find an angry mob, ask where they are going. If they happen to be going to your destination, tell them you want to be used against their target, and off they will carry you.Warning: Using a mob of angry people is not at all a good idea. They will throw you at their target causing you extreme pain. If a mob of angry people find out your intentions, they will be angry at you, and will therefore make you their target.

Of course there's a lot of ways to travel, but let me not risk it, and I'll just use an airplane. Thank goodness for family.

(Hopefully I get on the plane).

-Hanny The Coffee Bean

Disclaimer: I do not own the vulture cartoon (since I cannot draw for beans).

1 comment:

  1. Hey, Partner-in-Crime! Were you able to actually hitch a ride on a piece of wallpaper? Or perhaps an angry mob carted you down here? :-D

    --French Bean


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