Tonight, I met up with a very good friend from my high school years. We had not seen each other in close to two years, so we decided to make our reunion a special occasion.
We went out to eat.
Ever since I got back from France, I have been progressively losing some weight (nearly 1 or 2 pounds a week). The size of my stomach is a good indicator of my success: I can barely eat super-duper extra extra extra quadruple large American portions. I'm not talking about McDonald's. My friend and I went to eat at a franchise of a popular chain of Cuban restaurants called La Carreta (Spanish for "the cart"). My teeth bit into the chewy heaven that is the medianoche sandwich with a side of fries. I finished with a "cortadito," a small cup of Cuban espresso with milk.
Hours later, I still feel this hefty meal sitting in my stomach. Ugh.
Tomorrow, I will eat better.
Of course, that is what I keep telling myself. Will I eat better is a different story. I notice that every few days or so, I slip up. I may miss an exercise session due to being completely blasé. I may purchase a treat that I shouldn't have. This week, for instance, I bought a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. I have not eaten this icon of my childhood since I graduated from high school (almost 6 years). I credit my lack of wanting to munch on the spongy cakes simply because I have not craved them often. Even if I did get the urge to eat some, I resisted.
I remember once, last year, I had a job that was nearly a one hour drive from my house. For one entire month, I wanted to have a Swiss Roll. My mouth salivated at the thought of eating just one. As some sort of cruel punishment for these sinful thoughts, one day, after 5:00, I found myself driving behind a Little Debbie delivery truck for half an hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Debbie kept staring back at me. Teasing me with her stupid smile. The Shirley Temple ripoff almost seemed to say "If you buy my Swiss Rolls, then you can be as happy as I am!"
"Die, bitch," I thought.
Even then, I didn't buy them. I caved in this week. I purchased my first box of Swiss Rolls in nearly six years and eventually ate the wrapped pairs of caloric goodness in three days. Now I no longer crave them.
But I can't keep this up. I don't want to end up like this:
I have almost been like that in the past. I've even lost 80 pounds at one point. Then I gained back 50. Now, I want to lose 40 kilos (88 pounds).
When it comes to dieting, I view Sundays as my "Fresh Start" day. Sunday allows me to have the peaceful reflection that a hectic Monday robs from me. I remind myself that what I want to achieve is not just a diet. I need an overall change in lifestyle. That includes the way I eat.
I come from a family that equates food to love. If you refuse seconds, it is viewed as a personal blow.
The conversations between my mother and my childhood self often went like this:
Woe be unto you should you deny the woman carrying a large wooden spoon to feed you. However, I'm older now. I can prepare my own meals.
Realistically, my goal will probably take between one or two years to accomplish. I can do it.
Tomorrow is a Fresh Start. Again.
Barb the French Bean