Monday, June 28, 2010

Should I become a Mail-Order Bride?

Seeing as how there are only a few legal ways to remain in France, I should try experimenting. As a foreigner, I could get a visa if I were to study abroad or if I worked over there. I could obtain residency after five years.

I could also get married. A marriage would remove the tedious, messy paperwork process of visa and university applications and would grant me automatic residency. That is why I would like to try to be a mail-order bride. Hey, if it works for girls in other countries, why shouldn't it work for me?

Think of the potential! It's a Win-Win situation for me: I'd get to live in France and I'd get a French husband.

The market between Frenchmen with an American counterpart still needs to be tapped into, so I may have a chance...

But how would I advertise myself? I realize that, given my physical tendencies to be overweight, I have a lot of competition from elegant and graceful Frenchgirls who pay the keenest attention to every detail in their appearance. When I first got to Dijon, I was stunned by how lovely all of the Dijonnaises seemed to be. Next to them, I felt like a bloated slob. And I looked like Spongebob Squarepants. And what Frenchman wouldn't want to marry a foreigner who has a braying laugh?

No. I need to say something that entices them. I need to talk about something that they find absolutely irresistible. I need to talk

They love their food.

"Vous êtes pour moi? Are you for me?

Because I am for you!


Intelligent, cultured, sophisticated brown-haired, dark-eyed American seeks her Prince Charmant. Is partial to the odd sampling of escargots and Muscat de Rivesaltes (though not simultaneously). Has a fond passion of taking long walks in the Dijonnais hills and gathering daffodils in the Rhône-Alpes. Is not such a terrible cook and rarely burns things. Loves to try new recipes that make you feel at home. Can whip up the most awesome madeleines you will ever eat. Also knows Cuban and Colombian cuisine! Miam-miam!

She's almost like a Française, but not quite.

Weight and height will be given upon request."

Oh, yeah. What Frenchman wouldn't snatch up a prize like me in a heartbeat?

Barb the French Bean


  1. Well, the messy and tedious paperwork of a visa and university applications would probably give way to...messy and tedious paperwork for getting married and becoming a resident. Hmm...

  2. Could be a nightmare, or a dream come true! Handle all the advertising yourself, don't enlist in any kind of "service". Good luck!

  3. Lol! I'm only considering the idea, but if I get desperate enough...hmmmm...

    -French Bean


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb