Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Five Types of People on a Bus

Everyday, early in the morning, I go on a shuttle to get to my university. The shuttle I take is designed mostly for college students, but no matter the age you will always see these types in any bus. I always end up seeing the same people get on and off the bus (I am still surprised I do not already know them by name). So as the observer that I am, I have silently been observing some of the characteristics that my fellow collegians tend to display.

Exhibit A:

The fly swallower:

Ah! yes. My favorite! This type of person is indeed disgusting without any knowledge of it. See the fly swallower, is actually "a stare into space" kind of person. They are the ones who "stare off into space" with their mouth open; Not realizing that they just swallowed a fly till they are choking on it. Of course not all daydreamers leave their mouth open, which is why the ones who do are coined the name fly swallower.

These people are quite useful when there is a bus full of flies. No need for a fly swatter, just use a fly swallower.

Exhibit B:

The announcer:

Do you like to talk to people on the bus? Well, if you do, do not- I repeat...DO NOT talk to the announcer. If you are anything like me, and you like to keep your life private from the rest of the world, the announcer will just ruin that. The announcer can be either a guy or a girl, but usually, from what I have seen, it is a girl. The girl who has the characteristics of the announcer is a) loud, b) not at all private about anything, and c) not going to keep your secrets safe. The announcer likes to gossip and talk about her personal life. Sometimes you might even hear comments such as "Omg, did you see that, her pad was totally coming out" or "I cannot believe he dumped me! I should have never paid 600 dollars for strippers to go to his house". Yes, indeed they will announce everything and anything to the whole bus or I am assuming if outside, to the world.

The announcers are really useful when you need to make an announcement. Have an upcoming wedding and you need to invite people? you don't need invitations, silly. Just tell the announcer about it, she will let EVERYONE know.

Exhibit C:

The Joke:

This one is a very interesting one. The joke is a guy, who thinks he can get any girl he wants. He is the type that tells his buddies in person or on the phone about his late night "rendezvous" with various pretty ladies. He thinks he is the best of the best , but in reality he is just a guy with a huge pimple on his nose (well from what I've seen). The reason his name is the joke is because he over exaggerates when bragging about the "50" women he hooked-up with. After hearing such a story you will be asking yourself "Is this a joke?" and of course you will be disgusted by whoever is telling this story. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with men talking about women, but you know there is something wrong when a guy talks about hooking-up with "50" women in one day.

The good thing about the joke is that he can make you laugh without trying. Just listen in on his "true" stories and in no time you will be laughing.

Exhibit D :

The vacuum eating vortex:

In my observation of people, I have noticed that there are about one or two people always eating on the bus. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that, but it is amusing to watch a few eating. The vacuum eating vortex is a person who will open their mouth wide enough so that it ends up looking like a vortex. The more this type of person eats, the more the food spirals in their mouth creating a spinning motion. It is incredible to see this person eat because after a while the person ends up looking like a vacuum. Literally, this person finishes in five seconds (okay, I might be exaggerating a bit).

Do you need money? Just ask the vacuum eating vortex to join a few eating competitions for you, and you will be rich in no time.

Exhibit E:

The creeper:

Alright, the last one, the creeper. This one is the most hated one of all. The creeper is mostly a male , but it can also be a female. This type of person is the one who is usually staring at people (don't get it confused with the fly swallower), and if caught by a woman will end up either a)winking at her, b) giving a hideous creepy smile, or c) try something with her. The creeper is not only weird in his ways, but he can be blunt. "Oye, Mami. You are so Smoking hot!", "You got nice legs, now show me the other good stuff", or "Hey baby, want some lovin? I got some right here", are just a few things the creeper might just say. The creeper is a very recognizable fellow with his eyes popping out of his head, and his toothless smile (in some cases). This is one fellow that will have you running for dear life.

Do you want to have the scariest house during Halloween? Well put a creeper on every corner of your house, and voila! you will literally spook everyone away from your house.

-Hanny The Coffee Bean


  1. haha...pretty good...I think that you got most 'em covered, but you forgot one. Crazytown...the bus rider with a severe mental illness. I always got at least one a week when I was on public transit. Once I was yelled at for forgetting a crazytown's birthday.

  2. Miss M is right, there's always a psycho on a bus-you know, the guy with a tin of corned beef who's telling everyone it's a nuclear bomb.

    Still loving the pics btw.

  3. One of the nice things about moving to the country is you don't have to feel environmentally guilty about using your car.

  4. ROFL! While riding the Divia, I was fortunate enough to be with passengers who kept to themselves, but I definetely saw a crazy or two (one had even wet himself). But I was not spared from the Creeper ("hé, mademoiselle!").

    -French Bean

  5. Thanks!

    Yes the crazy psychotic one. There's a few I did not add. I didn't want to make the list any longer.

    - Coffee Bean

  6. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers strip-teasing on my desktop.


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