Merry Christmas...I Guess.

I have something to say that I never thought would be uttered in my adult life: for the first time ever, I shall be spending Christmas alone.

No family. No friends. Not even the slightest vision of sugar plum fairies dancing in my head.

Everyone that I know in France will literally be out of town on the 25th, and my dear mother remains sequestered in 80 degree weather back in Miami.

I don't quite know how to react about potentially feeling lonely on Christmas day, but I have several tasks to keep me busy.

1) Decorating the Christmas tree* with presents*.

*Actual Christmas tree and presents optional.

2) Relocating the mini poinsettia into a bigger pot.

I haven't neglected it. I tend to it every day and check to see if its soil runs dry. However, it's inexplicably dying and I've had the poor thing for only a week. I'm a horrible plant mother and therefore cannot be trusted with other plant offspring lest I want to have plant services called on me.

This is what a plant looks like when it has given up. 

3) Thoroughly cleaning and tidying my room.

I'm also a horrible room mother. Even I'm ashamed as to how much of a slob I can be.

4) Drinkin' booze.

There was a point in my young adult life in which I would drink orange juice only if it had rum in it. This week taught me that not much has changed since then.

Also: there is no more space in the booze compartment of the infamous bookcase/booze cabinet. I gotta be cold-hearted and evict some residents.

5) Pack my suitcase.

I'm headed to the Netherlands on December 26th and will celebrate New Year's Day in Amsterdam. No time to mope around the house this Christmas.

And, inevitably: 6) Light some candles and pray to the French strike gods that the SNCF and Air France don't decide to ruin my trip.

French Christmas cheer just wouldn't be the same without peppering a vacation with train delays and canceled flights.

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Since I will not be in the country prior to the end of the year, let this message serve as my well wishes to all of you lovely readers.

I'm going to forgo the annual "Re-Cap of Barb's Year" to just a few notable highlights: decided to go to Ireland, went to Ireland, met an Irishman at the airport in Paris, kept in contact with the Irishman, spent time with the Irishman in Paris, had heart broken by the Irishman, celebrated 26th birthday, went to London with 19 French middle school students, went to a Franco-American wedding in Burgundy, went home for the summer, was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding, went to visit Coffee Bean in Orlando and took a trip together to Savannah and Atlanta, Georgia, went back to France, went to Ireland a second time.

I'd say that this Karate Chop Ninja Squirrel year featured more ups than downs overall. Let's see if 2014 turns out to be surreptitious and unexpectedly life-changing, like Ninja Squirrel in the dark.

Je vous souhaite un Joyeux Noël et une très Bonne Année/Les deseo una Feliz Navidad y un Prospero Año Nuevo/I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Barb the French Bean

A Re-Cap of French Bean's 2012

1) Celebrated the New Year amid my family in Miami.

2) Greatly progressed in writing the first novel of my trilogy.

3) With much hoopla, celebrated my 25th birthday among family and friends.

4) Got attacked by flying cockroaches and locked self out of the bathroom.

5) Got tired about being fat so joined a gym.

6) Got lazy about working out. Kept gaining weight.

7) Continued writing the first novel in the company my dear friend May and some Repo Guys (their presence was, albeit, unwelcome).

8) Helped May move out of Miami and found that Cadbury's drinking chocolate has more than 600 calories per serving.

9) Said good-bye to May before she left U.S. to teach English in Korea.

10) Felt kinda lonely without my friends to keep me company.

11) Hung out with Coffee Bean and therefore felt less lonely.

12) Got uncomfortable wallowing in unemployment. Began pining for my former independent life in France.

13) Still pined horribly for France.

14) Received an e-mail from a French school offering me a job to teach English and Spanish. Accepted the job post-haste.

15) Moved back to France to reside in the small city of Sablé-sur-Sarthe, right in the Loire Valley.

16) Realized the severely-limited dating pool in Sablé-sur-Sarthe was probably not the most promising place to find a hypothetical future husband (welp, ya can't win 'em all).

17) Started losing weight once more.

18) Visited friends in Sens and Dijon.

19) Starred in a few videos of the pedagogic English-language series Overseas Impressions. Described in the "Smoothie" video as being a "sporty friend" (oh, that's rich when you consider my relationship with organized sports) who claims to love smoothies.

20) Dressed as Belle Doctor Who for Halloween.

21) Made new friends with colleagues and lots of horses (who I fondly refer to as my neigh-bors).

22) Binged on alcoholic chocolates on November 6th.

23) Went to Nantes and had my third OFII doctor's appointment. Found out that my BMI is categorized as obese. Trainer Barb vowed to kick my ass into shape and the croissants out of my hands.

24) Celebrated a turkey-less Thanksgiving with some raclette and some homemade coquito, then went to a school costume dance that was conveniently scheduled the same day.

25) Unwittingly had my memory permanently scarred for life when I saw some stallion junk.

26) Became quite ill with bronchitis. Lost my voice to a cat stuck in my throat. Got to experience the impressive French health care system in full force and got sick leave. Let a huge pile of papers and tests to grade pile up.

27) At a school Christmas party, asked colleague who had dressed as Père Noël (Santa Claus/Father Christmas) to bring me French citizenship for Christmas.

28) Spent Christmas with Mom in France. Future blog post to surely grace TBONTB (time-permitting).

29) Keeping fingers crossed with the hope that I will have a permanent carte de sejour someday.

30) Still letting the huge pile of papers and tests to grade pile up...

Stats:
Number of wedding invitations received: 2, one of which I was asked to be a bridesmaid!
Number of ex-boyfriends: Big, fat goose egg (That leaves my total count to 2. Whoo!)
Number of flights across the Atlantic Ocean: 1 (Hellz yeah!)
Number of train tickets bought: Too lazy to count...
Number of pages written for the first novel: 299 and counting
Number of days spent teaching with circles under my eyes: Every single damn day
Number of times cried over students: 3
Numbers of pounds I need to lose: Enough to make me give up if it weren't for my pride and vanity
Number of rainbows seen from my room: 4

No, seriously. The view from my room is a prime rainbow-spotting area.

Ooh, aah. So purty.

Number of times I've had a big smile on my face knowing that I'm back in France: approximately 131 times (it happens at least once a day, minimum)

Here's an example. 

All-in-all, I'd say that 2012 was a pretty Kickass Ninja Squirrel year, just as I had hoped! Here's hoping that 2013 turns out to be a Karate Chop Ninja Squirrel year for you all!

Bonne Année, Happy New Year, Feliz Año Nuevo from Barb the French Bean

A Re-Cap of French Bean's 2011

1) Celebrated the New Year in Dijon and went soldes shopping. Acquired new dresses.

2) Went on a snowshoe hike in the Hautes Alpes with my French BFF Mimi.

3) Became an addict to Speculoos.

4) Celebrated 24th birthday. Co-workers gave me a nice birthday/going-away party.

5) Didn't want to leave France so tried to look for a job. Had three interviews; didn't get a job.

6) The post as a teaching assistant ended for good.

7) Went to Spain for two weeks to visit family and friends.

8) Went back to France for two weeks.

9) Had to leave France. Specifically, Dijon. Fell at the top of an escalator at the RER stop near the Orly airport (which took off a good chunk of skin from my right knee). Flew from Paris to Berlin, then Berlin to Miami. Have a nice scar from the fond memories of Paris's grand good-bye to me.

10) Went back to Miami.

11) Hated being in Miami so left to visit Coffee Bean in Orlando. Met Cool Guy there.

12) Went back to Miami.

13) Got depressed. Started emotionally binging on chocolate, chips and ice cream.

14) Went back to Orlando.

15) Started dating Cool Guy.

16) Went back to Miami.

17) Started long-distance relationship with Cool Guy.

18) Got depressed. Started emotionally binging on burgers, fries and shakes.

19) Started writing a novel.

20) Went back to Orlando. Spent time with Coffee Bean and Cool Guy.

21) Went back to Miami. Discovered that local supermarkets sell Speculoos.

22) Tried to look for a job, to no avail.

23) Got depressed. Started emotionally binging on cheese, breads, speculoos, speculoos and more speculoos.

24) Surprised to discover that I gained twenty pounds. Felt utterly disgusted that most of my hardwork went down the drain (and straight to my thighs).

25) Learned how to bake bread...sort of.

26) Had Thanksgiving with family. Binged on turkey, eggnog and coquito (Puerto Rican eggnog).

27) Went to Orlando to visit Coffee Bean and Cool Guy.

28) Got offered a job (via the internet) to be the Minister of Transport for Holland.

29) Broke up with Cool Guy.

30) Went back to Miami. Started eating salads and cucumbers.

31) Celebrated Christmas with the family.

32) I'm pretty much bored out of my mind.

The Stats:

Total number of Ex-boyfriends: 1

Total number of hours spent whining about wanting to go back to France: approximately 450 hours (and counting)

Total number of job interviews: 5

Total number of internet job offers: 1

Total number of real-world job offers: big, fat goose egg

Total number of pages written for novel: 184 (and counting)

Pounds that I need to lose: 45 (approx. 20,4 kilos)

All righty. Sorry that I didn't provide a nice cartoon with this blog post because, quite frankly, I'm just not up to it. Maybe I'll draw something later.

Nevermind. Here's a cartoon of a Kickass Ninja Squirrel.

So, dear readers, I wish you all a Bonne Année 2012! Here's to some more future blog posts!

Barb the French Bean

A Re-Cap of French Bean's 2010

1) Celebrated my first new year's in France.


2) Celebrated my 23rd birthday in France.


3) Spent 1 week travelling around Italy (Venice and Rome) where I bought two Italian espresso pots.


4) Fell madly in love with a Frenchman


5) Had heart broken by said Frenchman (a.k.a. Loser Ex-Boyfriend).


6) Left Dijon in tears.


7) Went to Paris to take a CDG-MIA flight back to mosquito-and-humidity ridden Miami.


8) Spent a month wallowing in depressive uncertainty/seriously questioned the meaning of life and wondered how I was going to pay my bills with my English and American Literature B.A. if I remained unemployed.


9) With the help of my partner-in-crime, Coffee Bean, started this blog not knowing what would happen or the crazy stories I would write or the new friends we would make over the internet.


10) Received the news that I would be going back to Dijon. Cried tears of joy.


11) Attended my friend's wedding. Gave me hope in the possibility of love.


12) Had positive outlook on life once again and went to the beach with friends.


13) Became determined that the life goal is to be hotter than Shakira. Started losing weight.


14) Went back to France on a MIA-CDG flight.




15) Met the new group of English and American teaching assistants and bonded with them.


16) Met up with Loser Ex-Boyfriend. Decided he was never worth my time.


17) Went on a treacherous hiking trip.


18) Took the TEF exam and passed with a niveau B2!


19) Celebrated first Thanksgiving in France.


20) Became interested in a Frenchman who could potentially become a boyfriend.


21) Went on a one-day trip to Lyon.


22) Went on a one-day trip to Paris.


23) Spent my second French Christmas in the South of France.


24) Lost 20 kilos.


25) Gained back 2 kilos during the month of December (rats).


26) Lost 500 grams of the pesky rogue kilos.



The Stats:


Total weight loss: 18,5 kilos

Number of Loser Ex-Boyfriends: 1

Number of entire wine bottles drunk: 8 (no correlation to Loser Ex-Boyfriend)

Number of entire cheeses eaten: 8

Number of baguettes/breads consumed (since return to France): 8

Number of croissants scarfed down (since return to France): 7

Number of steps taken in Dijon: Far too many to count

Total number of potential boyfriends: 1 (maybe...)


I wonder what 2011 will have in store for me!


In any case, my immediate future goals are to enroll in a French university so I can continue my studies to pursue a Masters degree and to hopefully find a new stable job within the next 3 months, one that will help me remain in France.


As for tonight: I need to keep up with my New Year's Eve tradition of strolling around with a suitcase once midnight rings in. Just shortly into 2011, I will be walking around the neighborhood the middle of night pretending to go on a voyage. (I realize that I will look like a total idiot, but I do not question my mother's habits.)




This bizarre custom is in fact to bring the good luck for me to a bit within the year! Personally, I would love to travel either to London or Barcelona.


And this is what I'm planning to wear tonight! The red shawl was a Christmas gift I gave to myself (ha ha).

*Update*

This is what I looked like (before I went out and the humidity wrecked my hair)!

I truly wish you all une bonne année! Let 2011 be better than 2010 ever was!

With much love,

Barb the French Bean