Friday, July 30, 2010

What if...?

It is 3 a.m. where I am and it has been a Shel Silverstein kind of night. I'm talking, of course, about the "Whatif" poem I read in my childhood.

I found myself lying in bed. Though my body is physically fatigued, I simply cannot drift into the dream state I so yearn right now. Thoughts keep invading my mind.

What if I don't have enough money to pay my rent?
What if I never succeed at having a proper career?
What if I do not earn a job that will let me stay in France?
What if I cannot extend my visa?
What if my education has truly been useless?

What if I can't lose weight?
What if I never feel confident about myself?
What if I never find the man who I deserve (and equally deserves me)?
What if I never find unconditional, heartfelt love?

What if my life never amounts to anything?
What if I feel worthless?
What if I go insane?

What if I never go back to sleep?

Why must these questions haunt me when I wish to close my eyes and give my body a rest?
Why must I sound like a complete loser at 3 in the morning?
Barb the French Bean


  1. Ah.........the middle of the night iffies. I suffer from that myself. Try warm wash down the Xanax! ;)

  2. I just ended up feeling tired in the end.

    If that happens again, I take up your advice.


    -French Bean

  3. Seems fitting, no?

    "Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."
    — Shel Silverstein

  4. Yes. Anything can be. ^.^

    Thanks, Kate.

    -French Bean

  5. :0) I fight my negative night time thoughts ith a positvity light saber. It's a constant battle but I like to think I'll win. Try not to think don't, never, can't and stick in some cans, wills and always. POsitive thinking is powerful.

  6. I have been there. I have my own 'what if' moments. I took a writing class and the teacher said to me "What about now? What is happening now?" That pushed me back into reality. NOW, I have something to say about. And NOW is what will inform and create WHEN. 'What if' will just be a bad dream I had once.


Apparently, leaving comments on this blog is a hit-or-miss game of Russian roulette: you are either lucky and can comment away, or you are required to log in when the settings are CLEARLY set to allow trouble-free commenting (sorry 'bout that, folks). If anything, the Facebook page is always a viable option. :) -Barb