Copulating Snails and a Discarded Condom

[Based on your level of maturity, this post may or may not be quite silly indeed.]

I sometimes encounter the strangest things as I take my walks around the school. For the most part, these little promenades go without much excitement. I see the same things as I take each lap. The grass, the cracks in the sidewalk, even a discarded black cardboard cup from Burger King that advertised the latest film of a notorious vampire/werewolf emotional tug-of-war printed in a distinctive large white script.

Last night, however, I saw two things that I did not expect.

This:

And this:

It took me a few seconds to realize what I had just seen.

I wonder who would have left a used condom near an elementary school. I mean, I know school is out for the summer, but kids still live in the vicinity of said school. I also wonder to whom it seemed like a good idea to need a condom at that particular location. "Oh, a school! Kewl! I always wanted to bang somebody against the metal fence surrounding an elementary school! That's so hot!"

Then again, its plausible to assume that said condom was cast off by the overly-passionate snails that I had just passed. I mean, those were the two creatures I had seen in proximity that clearly needed some protection.

Who am I to judge the despicable litterbug habits of two horny escargots?

Anyway, after seeing these two gastropods getting it on, the intrinsic human curiousity of how things do it urged me to find out more about their mating habits. After some internet research, I learned that certain species of snails are hermaphrodites that transfer spermatazoa through the right side of their heads when two of them hook up. This means that BOTH of them play the male and female roles.

...And I thought the male seahorse had it bad. That's really messed up, people.

I'm now scared of taking more walks.

Barb the French Bean